Posts
All Comments
I have just a few words for you all...spray-on tanning booth. Only Wendy could have talked me into that. I think I'm traumatized for life. Also, I'm no longer pasty white. And now, blogging really will go on hiatus until we get back from L.A. and Mexico. Assuming we decide to come back...
As Labor Day weekend approaches, I realize that no back-to-school season is really complete without a full report on what I did over the summer. So, for this week's Thursday Thirteen, here are thirteen things I learned:
1. Even I can get a Master's Degree
2. Summer vacation at a children's museum is really not a vacation if you work there-but it is a really fun time to work there.
3. Along those lines, kids can only follow rules from September-May. Any other time of the year is a lot more iffy.
4. If all the teenage girls in Norman Stake bring cell phones to Girl's Camp, only the girls from Blanchard will get in trouble. (And the lesson the YW camp leaders learned was "don't single out the YW leaders from Blanchard unless you want a list of everyone else at camp with an illegal cell phone.)
5. Stories about flipping people off, even if you did it over ten years ago, are not funny and you shouldn't tell them in the YW Leader's cabin. Unless of course you want to know how very righteous everyone else in the cabin is compared to you. (In retrospect, I think I just had the wrong audience. Most of my church friends think it's a very funny story.)
6. There is no misery one can experience at Girl's Camp that can't be solved by stopping at Sonic on the way home.
7. What's even more fun than making a good friend online? Watching your children become friends and look forward to visits as well.
8. Old friends may have a pretty good idea of what's best for you, co-workers may have opinions, but sometimes only you can decide what you should and shouldn't do in certain situations.
9. I should have and I'm glad I did.
10. HenHouse mamas rock even more in person than they have online all these years and so did everyone else I met at FRED.
11. There really is such a thing as a Rocky Mountain High-though it was more like a buzz for me.
12. I can drive to and from Houston with four kids in 48 hours. But next time I want to stay longer.
13. Sometimes, the very best trip of the summer waits until the end! (See ticker above) Let's cruise! Look out Royal Caribbean, Norman Rainbow is in the house!
For more Thursday Thirteens, visit the TT hub!
*This blog will be on hiatus until I return next week!*
I've really enjoyed Annie's Time Travel Tuesdays, but usually have something else in mind to write about and go about my business instead of playing along with her. Today's topic was just too good to ignore. The question is, how did you find out you were pregnant and how did you share the news with others?
My mother has fertility problems. Ultimately, she had three children but the five years between each of us was natural. I got married just before my 25th birthday. Suspecting I had issues similar to my mother's we started trying a month after we were married. As we lived separately for the first few months of our marriage (I had school commitments in Arizona, he was reluctant to quit his job in Oklahoma-we married sooner rather than later at the insistence of our respective church leaders who didn't like all our weekend visits back and forth), I didn't think we would have much success. Then again, I thought I would have trouble getting pregnant. Our longest visit had been my return to Oklahoma during the U of A's Spring Break in March. Midterms and National Guard obligations prevented us from seeing each other again until Dave flew to Tucson for Easter a month later. He took the shuttle from Phoenix to Tucson and I left my car at the shuttle parking lot for him. I left a note in the car instructing him when and where to pick me up after my last class. Class let out early, and by the time I glimpsed my car, I was already hot and cranky from waiting in the sun. I saw Dave and waved at him to stop. He didn't see me, and continued to circle the block. I ran to the other side of the building only to miss him again. We missed each other about three more times before he FINALLY saw me. I was inexplicably furious about this. I griped him out all the way home before slamming into the bathroom. He suggested that maybe, just maybe, I was pregnant. That made me that much angrier. Didn't he know PMS when he saw it?! He left and came back with a pregnancy test. I took it and it said results could show in as few as 2 minutes, but could take up to 5. After three minutes, I angrily proclaimed myself not pregnant and collapsed onto my bed where I promptly fell asleep. I was awakened 45 minutes later by my bladder and as I washed my hands I spotted something on the back of the toilet. THERE WERE TWO LINES ON THE TEST. TWO?! We bought more tests, I took more tests. In 24 hours, it took the full five minutes for each test to come up positive, but they all did. Dave was convinced by the second test. I wasn't convinced until a visit to the students' clinic the next morning confirmed it. The poor nurse looked a little scared when she gave me the results because I'm guessing it's not the news every co-ed is hoping for, but I was thrilled. I wish I could say we told people creatively, but Dave must have told his parents as soon as he got back to Oklahoma at about the same time I was calling my sisters. I probably ran down to Anne's apartment from mine just as soon as we got home from the clinic at the U of A.
The other three kids stories aren't nearly as detailed. Tristan came along a couple of months after we decided to try again. We used that Dr. Shettles book about determining the gender of your baby and timed things accordingly (it very much resembled scenes from John Hughes' She's Having a Baby). And, as he is our only boy, I can only assume that it worked. Caroline was a complete surprise to us. Tristan was barely a year old and it didn't even occur to me that I might be pregnant until I found myself compulsively napping and determining errands based on the cleanliness of the store restrooms. I seem to remember exiting the bathroom with that test in hand, waving it in Dave's face, and saying "I'm going to KILL you!" Elisa's story is very similar to that one. I had just started grad school and thought another baby was the last thing I could handle. Even when it was pretty obvious what was going on, I waited on testing until I could deny it no longer. I finally broke down and took a test while we were in Tulsa for my cousin's wedding. Then, we had to hide our big news until the next visit so that we didn't steal the happy couple's thunder. And as ambivalent as I was about that last pregnancy, that worked for me. Again, I was never very creative about making such announcements, and I usually tried to keep it a secret until we had heard a heartbeat for each baby. (That turned out to be a good idea as there were close calls with my first two pregnancies.) My grandmother found me out twice just by observing me and my Aunt Mary figured out I was pregnant with Elisa before anyone besides Dave and I knew. We always put off telling the kids for as long as possible because once they know one is coming, the question of "when" becomes daily event. And I guess I did get to announce my last pregnancy cleverly at church. We heard that heartbeat during the same week that they formed a 4th ward and we were moved into it. So, when we were instructed to introduce ourselves, our families, and our kids' names in Relief Society; I said I was Sister G, married to Brother G, and mom to Natalie, Tristan, Caroline, and "one more whose name would be determined in 6 months time."
So, those are my baby stories. Thanks for reading!
*Anyone know the significance of the quote cited in the title?
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 26% Pure |
 You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
For the first time in three years, Dave got up at 5:30 a.m. and left for work by 6:00, just as he used to for the first 6 years of our marriage. At 4:15, he came back home. What was supposed to be a "temporary" switch to the swing-shift in the Fall of 2004 has FINALLY come to an end. And, as far as I'm concerned, it was far overdue. He still seems a little annoyed with the change. After all, his favorite buddies from work are all still working nights. But if he only knew how much has been hanging in the balance lately, he would be relieved. It's all right though, I'm relieved enough for both of us.
Chris linked to this in the comments section a few entries ago. Watch it if you love Alan Rickman (and you're female).
Watching-
Not much of anything. I skipped Army Wives last week and Big Love is still sitting unwatched on my Tivo, soon to be joined by tonight's episode. I'm sure I will get around to them eventually.
At the Movies-
I got a spontaneous phone call from a friend at church yesterday. At the moment, her husband is currently deployed to Kuwait and she is home alone with 6 kids: a 10 year-old, two 7 year-olds (twins), and three 1 year-olds (triplets). She wanted to get out of the house and she had called a babysitter. Did I want to hang out with her? If she had wanted to rob a bank I would have driven her getaway car. As it was, she wanted to see The Bourne Ultimatum. (We'll try robbery next time!) It was SO GOOD! Notwithstanding all the sweaty Matt Damon shots (which I am all about), it was also a very good movie. It was a big Hollywood blockbuster without the look and feel of such a film. I rarely say this, but I hope they make a fourth one. We also had dinner out at La Baguette. Good times! I'm so glad she called and invited me along, I had a great time!
In My Netflix Queue-
Same Time Next Year-
I can't believe how touching, funny, and sweet this movie was. I watched it last Wednesday at the height of last week's freak-out and it was the perfect catharsis for me. I'm going to have to buy this one and add it to my list of all-time favorites. It was that good.
Pride and Prejudice Pt. 2-
I am now officially ruined for the newer version that came out a couple of years ago. This was the miniseries done by the BBC several years ago and I absolutely loved it. Netflix did right by me this week, even if they did send Dave that awful Aqua Teen Hunger Force thing. (Hey, he asked for it. It's not really their fault.)
Muppet Show Season 2: Discs 1 & 2-
OK, went ahead and bought this and it has been, of course, a big hit. So far my favorite has ben Rich Little doing all the scenes from old musicals, BUT Elton John's episode is on Disc 3 and that's one of my all-time favorites so Rich's time on my 'favorite' list will be brief. I only hope we don't have to wait as long for season 3 as we did season 2. But I'm not holding my breath.
Extracurricular Activities-
PTA t-shirt orders are rolling in and the school store had it's first run last Friday. We have our first and second meetings planned and scheduled and as long as I remember to type up tomorrow's hand-outs we'll still be in good shape. As much as I dreaded the school year all summer, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be now that it's here.
So...about last Saturday (Because there is nothing noteworthy from today except my own shock that Hannah Montana concert tickets sold out in less than an hour this morning-Hannah Montana?! Seriously? As you can tell, we didn't get any. But I digress...)
Anyway, last weekend...Just like when we were teens, a road trip necessitated borrowing Chris' mom's car. Of course, the reasons are a bit different now. Back then, Chris car was too small and a little unreliable for long drives, and I didn't have a driver's license. Now every seat but the front of my Durango is full of booster seats, Lanie drives a two-seater convertible, and Chris' car is too small and a little unreliabel for long drives. OK, so some things never change!
The plan for the day was to leave at around 11 a.m., eat at "Joe's," and go visit Lanie's old roommate who does our hair while putting herself through vet school. Usually she comes to OKC, but she's busy and we were in search of just a little adventure. (As if next week's cruise won't be adventure enough.) I got up early and was immediately distracted by Peyton Place on Turner Classic movies. Fortunately, Chris was running late (see my previous note about things never changing) and I managed to watch it AND get ready. I was skipping out on the hair cut and color having had to improvise just before the Colorado trip at the beginning of the month. (Dave is pretty good at highlighting-who knew?) I just wanted to get away for the day. She arrived just as the poor old country doctor took the stand at Selina Cross' murder trial. Let me just say that this movie completely made up for all the time I wasted watching Splendor in the Grass last month. Of course, that also meant that we didn't live until almost noon. Oh well.
Again with the 'some things don't change' theme. Get used to it. You'll see it again. And again. And again.
So, we're on our way to Lanie's and talking about work. (We couldn't possibly talk about boys until Lanie was with us now, could we?) It's still weird to have a job to talk about, not that I should get too used to it. Still, it was good to blow off steam and swap stories back and forth. Before long, Lanie joined us and we were on our way to Cowboy Land. (We live in Sooner Land where OU is, Stillwater is home to OSU-for those of you who don't know the difference.) As teenagers, Cowboy Land was where we went for our annual convention every summer. So there was much reminiscing...and also a few good quotes. Especially when the boy-talk started. This was my favorite from Chris:
"So I told (insert Chris' husband's name here) I thought that girl was cute and he was all 'Really?!' So I said 'I don't look at a girl and think I want to stick my tongue (somewhere), but aesthetically, I can appreciate when they're attractive."
We got to Stillwater without any trouble (or getting pulled over) and drove through campus playing a fun game of "do you remember" when we passed certain landmarks. We got to Eskimo Joe's just in time for a 45-minute wait. No thank you. We had better luck at Mexico Joe's (and some good food too). We found H's house just in time for the rain to start. While Chris and Lanie got new 'do's we chatted, watched Overboard (which I'm ashamed to admit that I still LOVE), and I instructed everyone on the finer points of "Cliff, Shag, or Marry." And we had way too much fun with YouTube. (Toni and Janey-I saw the dancing cat! And a dancing ferret! And shoes...) And since the rain didn't show any signs of letting up, we decided to go head and drive in it. It wasn't too bad...
As we pulled out of Stillwater, we managed to find either Bob or Jack FM (one of those guys I love so much) and it was playing some really good stuff! After a couple of songs, we discovered we were listening to a weekly radio program called "The Mullet" and we would have been embarrassed, but then they played "Paradise City" and we just couldn't change the channel. Have you ever seen three thirty-somethings headbanging? Well, that's because you weren't in the car with us. (I'm sure it wasn't pretty.) Feeling inspired, we started a playlist for Lanie's wedding reception. I think we got about...what...6 hours worth of music on the list? Lanie's mom called while we were doing this and kept calling back with what Lanie called "old lady music." Somewhere in there, Chris called her husband to tell him dinner would be late and did he want her to pick up something? This is where the real fun began. As she was explaining that it would be at least a good hour and a half before she got home, he *might* want to get a snack before she got there. As they chatted, Lanie came up with this:
"Chris is going to get home and the cat's back leg is going to be missing. (Her husband's) face will be all covered with fur and she'll say 'Honey, is that a little pussy in your teeth?"
And with that, neither Lanie nor I could breathe or talk for laughing. We stopped just in time to hear Chris take Sean's dinner order, he wanted a muffelata. Hearing our laughter, he gave it an even better name. And many more minutes of hysterical laughter ensued (See, Chris told you I would put it on the blog eventually). Before we knew it, we were at Lanie's and then I was home. Dave has a theory that Chris, Wendy, Lanie, and I can't be together without regressing to the ages we were when we met, and I think he's right. Some things just don't chage. And all I can say in my defense is 'thank goodness.' I think acting like I'm fourteen once a week or so is one of the things that keeps me young. So all in all a good Saturday-and couldn't we all use one every once in awhile?
Yesterday's Thursday Thirteen had a lot of links in it. Apparently, one of them was bad and Blogger wouldn't publish my post. Today, I painstakingly removed all the links and it still won't work. I give up! The short version of the list is that even though I whined a lot this week, I'm glad the space shuttle landed safely, found a couple of blog entries that made me chuckle (but am unable to link you to), I love Elisa's new school, Same Time Next Year made me laugh and cry in the best way possible (No worries Toni, it stars Alan Alda, but there was no "face," I promise). Season 2 of The Muppet Show was FINALLY released, and I have a new obsession camera. I also started the Flickr 365 photo challenge and like it more than I thought I would. So far...
As you know, Natalie is a huge fan of both the Harry Potter books and the movies. While flipping channels, I noted that Kevin Costner classic Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves was on one of the way-too-many HBO channels that we have. To test her abilities (and because it's no longer a forbidden movie in this house), I flipped over to it and asked her if she recognized Alan Rickman. She did:
"It's SEVERUS SNAPE!! With...a mullet?"
I think I'll keep her. (And seriously, what did we ever see in this movie? BBC America's Robin Hood is SO much better. Anyone know when season 2 starts?)
Edited to add: I just finished sitting through the entire movie and as much as I hate to admit it, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I am such a big fat hypocrite.
I promise I did not put up the "poor, poor pitiful me" post to get such an overwhelming response (on my blog, that many comment is HUGE), but I would be lying if I said all the comments, replies, and insights weren't valuable.
I've got a few general responses here-I'll save specific replies for my comment section or individual emails:
First of all, I'm glad to hear this is a normal post-graduation phenomenon. I did have a vague sense of "now what?" when I got my Bachelor's, but I already had a mission call to Italy, a passport, and a plane ticket to SLC dated for July 13th. The bigger depression back then didn't come until I got home eighteen months later. And I coped by enrolling in grad school and moving out-of-state. That worked...until my husband dragged me back here. I guess I'm glad there is no PhD program specific to Museum Studies in the U.S. yet-I'm sure that depression would be even worse. (Lanie, I'll be there for you. I promise.)
Second, I think Practical Chick made a very good point when she cited hormones as part of my inspiration for what I've written here. Don't misunderstand, I have felt mildly depressed and more than a little aimless for most of the summer; but I'm usually better at hiding it. I glance at my calendar last night did indeed confirm that there's a biological reason that I'm feeling SO VERY INTENSE about all of this right now. I need to remember to consult my calendar a bit more often before hitting "publish post" in the future.
Third, I just sent all four of my kids to school and back to school. I didn't realize it would be such a big transition, but it is and now I realize it. I think it just caught me off-guard a bit. Attending this year's first PTA officer meeting today really helped put things back into perspective (and it was nice to have Elisa happily ensconced at pre-school rather than trying to chase her while conducting the meeting for a change).
Next, I hope everyone read Anne's reply to me because who knew that midlife crisis for the 'under 30' set entailed someone "half my age plus seven." That certainly opens up some possibilities-LOL! Anne's list started with Jason Dohring (Logan from Veronica Mars) and it can pretty much end there too as far as I'm concerned. Not that it stopped me from googling "24 year-old actors" earlier today. Did you know Macauley Culkin is actually 26 now?! Me neither. (For those of you who don't know this, it was Anne and her family who brought me into the church, who planned my baptism, and who were with me when I first went to the temple in Mesa. So you can take her comment with the appropriate grain of salt there.)
Finally, while I am pretty raw with what I post in this blog; there are yet more factors at play that I choose not to mention here for personal and professional reasons. Suffice to say, we are back in some serious debt and having to refinance the house right now. I won't go into the reasons, but I know my friend Anne is familiar with the situation and my frustration with it and that's all I can really say about it. An inspector is coming tomorrow to do an appraisal and since I never wanted to refinance, I am resentful about the expectation that the house will have to be made spotless on my watch.
Further, I planned to spend my life as a stay-at-home mom. Who knew I would like working so much? At this point there is little reason to hope my job will continue past the end of the year. I love the place I work, I love the people I work with, and I love the mostly flexible schedule that I have. I have looked around a bit and just can't find a similar situation anywhere in this state. I've seen opportunities out-of-state, but obviously can't move my whole family just so I can work part-time. And it frustrates me. What frustrates me more are all the speeches I'm bound to get at church about how I never should have started working in the first place, and how losing my job is just "part of God's plan." Frankly, I'm reaching a point in my life where I'm not sure that every adverse thing that happens IS "part of God's plan." I beginning to think stuff just happens and the only thing God is interested in is watching how we cope with our circumstances. And that's all I'm trying to do here. And suddenly, I just have a lot to cope with.
Yes, that was also the title of a Gilmore Girls episode. Sookie wanted it for her wedding song, but it was a break-up song and no one else thought it was appropriate. She used it anyway, and when Lorelai and Rory came down the aisle as her attendants, Lor had just broken up with Christopher and it was appropriate after all-just not for the bride. This is apropos of nothing I'm planning to write about tonight, but it does make me want to dig out my Season 3 Box set and watch some GG tonight. (It is Tuesday, after all.)
No, what I can't get started is ANYTHING. My house is halfway clean (which means "not really), the clothes are clean, but not folded, my PTA t-shirt order forms got halfway handed out this morning (Pre-K through 2nd grade got them, then I had to get Elisa to pre-school and myself to work), I follow my Weight Watchers points faithfully for only HALF of my day, I exercise diligently for about half the week, and I can't complete a whole post here to save my life (though you should see how many partial ones are 'saved as draft' in my archives). It's not that I don't have material. I just feel tired and lethargic and that since I can't do justice to what I want to write about in my current state-it's better to write nothing at all. Maybe it's not that I can't get started, I just can't finish.
Is it possible for a female in her mid-30's to have a midlife crisis? Is it possible to have a midlife crisis without the slightest interest in buying a convertible or sleeping with someone half your age? (Which I just calculated to be 17.5, to my own great amusement.) And as a mother of four young children with a ton of responsibilities both inside and outside the home, how do I get through this without actually doing anything stupid or irresponsible? I just feel like my life is one big 'groundhog day' of getting up earlier than I want, waking up four kids and fighting them through their a.m. preparations, dropping them off at school, splitting my week between the job I love at the museum (that will no longer be funded after Christmas) and the job I hate at home cleaning, (that was never funded and that never ends). Then, afternoon comes and I pick up the kids and spend the rest of the evening as referee to their endless squabbles, maid to their constant messes, cook to the food they won't eat, and opponent in their quest to stay awake as late as they possibly can. Then, once they are all finally asleep, I collapse onto my bed where I'm lucky to get 6 hours of sleep before the whole painful process repeats itself...and repeats, and repeats. (Somewhere in there is a joke about the sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting, but I'm not feeling it right now.)
I feel like I can see my entire life in one big straight line in front of me. It's already a pre-determined course that I will follow until it ends OR I crash into a wall. And at least that would be different. There isn't much mystery left in my life. I know who I'm going to marry. I know how many kids we're going to have, and I know where I will live for the rest of my freakin' life whether I like it or not. I know what I'm going to be when I grow up, and I strongly suspect that once my funding runs out at this job, I won't be good enough to get hired somewhere else. I felt a little directionless like this since getting over the euphoria of graduating and even more so once the writing on the wall about my job became clear. But initially, the lack of direction was a bit exciting. Maybe I would find a job someplace new. Maybe I would stop whining about wanting to write and actually do it. But then reality sets in and I realize that Dave will never leave Tinker. He broke up with a girl he really liked in California during his Army days just because she said she would never live in Oklahoma. This place is his life. And I also realize that I've never had more than 9 subscribers at a time on Bloglines. That I may get about 50 hits a day here, but only 10% of those (if Statcounter can be trusted) are returns and I think I know who most of you are. Just friends who are here to see what's up with my life (and bless you all for it), but not so much people who are impressed with my writing abilities. I can't even get my own husband to read this stuff, so I guess I'm pretty funny when I think people would actually pay me for it.
And all of that swirling around my head inevitably leads me to the realization that if this is, indeed, "as good as it gets;" then I feel a little screwed out of something better and more than a little bit punished for mistakes I must have made growing up. And I'm not saying the mistakes aren't there, but there are people who have done worse things than I have who don't seem to struggle for happiness nearly as much. I feel like every dream I have gets cut off at the knee just before it's realized and that no matter how hard I try to rise above, dist myself off, and keep going; that all I'm really doing is fooling myself. That this really is it for me and that I might as well get used to it and quit hoping for more. The problem is, I don't think I can. The last time I felt this trapped, I was a freshman in college who had her arm in a sling and shared a scary little triplex with the jerk who put it there. And then one night, I kissed his best friend and, in the ensuing fall-out afterwards, found my freedom. Now I have a decent life and a nice house that I share with the father of my four children. The 'best friend escape' is not an option nor would I want it to be. However, I just can't get past the feeling that something, somehow has just got to change. And until I know what that is, I just don't feel much like writing.
There are no kids in the house right now. That's right. No. kids. in. the. house. And the one who "wasn't ready" for pre-school? She waved us out about 5 minutes after we got there. Apparently, she had toys to play with and friends to make. At least one of us didn't cry when we left.
Here's the deal:
I've thought about it and my baby girl is NOT, I repeat, NOT ready to start pre-school tomorrow. I'm aware that we looked all summer for just the right place. I realize that Dave and I are both working days now and she needs a place to go. I'm even pretty sure that I remember her telling me every day since we enrolled her that she "can't wait" to go to school. But what no one seems to understand is that I am her mother, she is my baby, and my gut-instinct just tells me that she is NOT READY to go to school. Or maybe...I'm not ready to send her.
Thank goodness I don't have to work tomorrow. Something tells me it's going to be a rough day for Mama.
That's what I just called out to my husband as he left to see if he can get to my parents and borrow their wet/dry vac. We got about 8 inches of rain last night and this morning thanks to Tropical Depression Erin and our living room was flooded. With the exception of being able to shop at the Commissary, I don't think I ever appreciated Dave's military service as much as I did this morning when he was out digging a trench around our front windows to minimize the water damage. Since only the carpet closest to our windows is wet, I think it helped.
Reading-
Ender's Game-
I mentioned earlier this week that I had finished it. What's funny is that no sooner had I put it into the bookcase than Natalie took it out ...and finished it too, in 2 days! (Yep, she's MINE.) I think we've found a new author to read obsessively here. It's a good thing.
Watching-
Big Love-
You know guys, it's really a BAD idea to kill off Harry Dean Stanton's character. I know it's not a done deal yet, but you seem to be headed that way and all I can say is "don't." Otherwise, I can't believe all that's left is tomorrow night's episode.
Dateline NBC: The Outsiders series-
Nah! S.E. Hinton had nothing to do with this (purtroppo, or "unfortunately" in English). Apparently, they are profiling groups that live on the fringes of American society. This week, it was a polygamy group so of course I was intrigued. This episode highlighted Centennial Park which portrays itself as the more "normal" alternative to places like the compound-type environment portrayed on Big Love. It definitely wasn't as scary. As disappointed Jerry Springer fans found out several years ago, there isn't much that's sensationalistic about devoutly religious polygamist families. I find it a little terrifying that all their marriages are arranged and appointed and the hear them talk so calmly about how little control they have over their own lives; but I will admit that it seems to work for them. Dave and I often joke about bringing in a younger second wife who likes to clean and cook more than me, so it was interesting to see the profiled family who had an arrangement kind of like that-though both the man's marriages were arranged by church leaders and not the man or his wives. Anyway, I found it interesting and worth the hour I spent watching it.
Army Wives-
Admittedly, I fell asleep while watching this one, but Dave was happy to give me a re-cap when I woke up. (And I find that HILARIOUS.)
Diego's Dinosaur Rescue-
We watched this during the hour before the big High School Musical 2 debut. Natalie was cranky until I started making jokes about the dinosaurs eating the kids and how Dora's back pack had nothing but sticky-tape and Boots' red boots that were all that was left after the dinosaur found him. Then she was happy and helped me poke fun at the rest of the show while her siblings all howled with laughter. Well, except for poor Elisa who was just trying to watch her favorite cartoon. I'm not sure my sense of humor makes me well-suited to being the mother of small children.
High School Musical 2-
I tried really hard not to get sucked into this, but in the end I was dancing right along with those crazy Wildcats. The NY Times hated it, the LA Times loved it, and it was watched by more than 17 million kids that night. I've always thought of myself as more of a grown-up NY Times person, but it turns out that I'm really more of an LA kid. Oh well...I'm glad Troy and Gabriela finally got to that first kiss. I was beginning to think we were going to have to wait for the third movie (already in the works) to see that happen.
In My Netflix Queue-
Lost Season One Disc 2-
The plot continues to thicken, people move into the cave, Sawyer gets what he deserves, and Jack is not quite the saint we think he is. And I'm still confused...but also hooked. Unfortunately, Dave stuck an "Aqua Teen" DVD into his queue between Lost discs 2 and 3, so I'm going to have to wait awhile for my next fix. Remind me to kill Dave this week.
The Devil Wears Prada-
I love Anne Hathaway, I love Meryl Streep, and I did not think I could go wrong with this movie. I was right. I did think it was just a little too preachy though. If Anne's character was getting a little carried away with the clothes and the good-looking writer, she was just out of college and in her early 20's and it was OK because that's the time in your life that you make those mistakes. I'm glad she wound up writing for a paper and ditched the womanizing writer, BUT I still think exploring those possibilities were OK for her and not something worth preaching sermons over. But maybe that's just me...
Waiting...-
I LOVED it, though I think my friend Chris would appreciate it more having actually lived it.
Extracurricular Activities-
ROAD TRIP!!-
Lanie, Chris, and I hit the road yesterday for Stillwater. A drive that, for reasons known to many of you, turns us right back into teenagers. It deserves (and is getting) a post of its own this week, so for now I'll just leave you with "the mullet" and tell you the rest later. Needless to say, a good time was had by all!
Toni posted our infamous list of FRED quotes over on her blog, Travels with Toni. I apologize for nothing that's written over there and admit openly that I enjoyed exercising my right to freedom of speech quite heartily throughout the whole weekend because I knew I was in a completely non-judgemental and child-free environment. HOWEVER, I know that many of you who read here are not impressed with four letter words or humor better suited for The Man Show or a Kevin Smith film than a Mommy Blog like mine. Out of respect for your opinions, I advise you all to steer clear of the upcoming link. For the rest of you, you can check out the contents of 'the little green notebook' right here.
I have seen this on several LDS Mommy-blogs over the past week and I liked it. While I'm not sure I will ever really fit into that demographic, I'm still proud to be called that. So, I thought I'd do something completely out-of-character and play along with them:
Five things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Getting used to the idea that I really was going to spend the rest of my life in Oklahoma after all. (I'll let you know when I've completely accepted that.)
2. Being pregnant for the first time and enjoying the fact that I was in my second trimester, no longer nauseous, and finally starting to look pregnant instead of just chubby.
3. Shopping for all things pink and girly as my ultrasound in late-July had showed us we were having a "Natalie Kathleen."
4. House-hunting
5. Shopping and eating out with my mother-in-law who was quickly becoming my new best friend.
Five things on my to-do list today
1. Back to school shopping with the girls.
2. Two words: Elliptical trainer
3. Print up a school t-shirt order form, who knew we would sell so many last night?
4. Count up last night's deposit money and drop it at the bank on the way to Grandma's tonight.
5. Laundry! (I've skipped 2 days in a row. Not good when you're washing for 6)
Five snacks I enjoy
1. Red Twizzlers
2. Anything in a packet bearing the name "100 Calories"
3. Grapes (good when they're frozen too)
4. Those Wal-Mart brand Baked Cheese Crackers
5. 1 pt. Weight Watchers fudge bars (How do they make them so good for so few calories? I probably don't wanna know.)
Five things I'd do if I were a millionaire
1. Pay off the mortgage and any other debts
2. Buy a hybrid vehicle big enough to hold my family. (I'm not sure that even exists yet.)
3. TRAVEL!
4. Redo my house with better windows/insulation/skylights and a lot of other things I think are a good idea but can't afford at the moment.
5. Sponsor all Hens who want to go to FRED. Heck, I'd pay for FRED too!
Five things I'd never wear again
1. Big fat shoulder pads
2. High-heeled spikes (a little heel is OK, but I can't walk in anything much past an inch anymore)
3. Maternity clothes
4. A bikini
5. Nursing bras
Five favorite toys
1. laptop
2. iPod
3. Gameboy (yes, I have one-your point is?)
4. My Snackster (I think it's still the one you bought me, Chris)
5. Our home theatre system
but for me, it's enough. I've spent a lot of time this week fighting anxiety attacks and panic. Tonight was Back to School night. This will be the third year I've attended that night as this year's PTA President and I did not think I had it in me to do it again. Within minutes of arriving, setting up the table, talking to parents, and selling school t-shirts; I felt differently. I was back in my element. Just like everyone told me I would be. Don't misunderstand, my goal for this school year is to find my replacement for the next one. But I do feel up to the task again.
I don't enjoy being a leader, I don't think it's where my talents lie; but I will admit that over time I have become pretty good at doing this. That doesn't mean it's always fun, in fact it isn't fun that often. But, it needs to be done and I can do it. (And even better? I can use this year to teach others to do it too!) There are many things about this stage in my life that aren't all that easy. My kids are at an age where they both need discipline and resist it at every turn. I'm trying to establish my career about 10 years too late, and I have to be self-motivated to accomplish it all because support for those endeavors is often lacking around here as I've mentioned. But that doesn't mean I feel sorry for myself or that I want others to feel bad for me. If I had had this quote at my disposal two weeks ago, I think it would have helped me to explain myself in many of the conversations I had during my weekend in Colorado. But I didn't read it until yesterday. It's from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (which I finally finished last night) and it makes perfect sense to me:
"Humanity does not ask us to be happy. It merely asks us to be brilliant on its behalf. Survival first, then happiness as we can manage it."
-Mazer Rackham
I'll grant you that I'm not saving the world like Ender or Mazer. But, I'm working to make my kids better people which will, in turn, better the world they live in. And I'm working hard to give those kids and teachers at our elementary school at little fun, a little money for field trips and artists-in-residence, and a better experience than they would have were there not a PTA at their school, even though it would be so easy to throw in the towel there sometimes.
This may not be the easiest time in my life, but it's not without its rewards and I have no complaints. Right now, I'm all about surviving. And let's all keep our fingers crossed that somewhere in there I find time to squeeze in some of that happiness too.
As evidenced by our dinner conversation, my kids very much want to be quoted too. Here goes:
#1
Natalie: So were you, Aunt Chris, Aunt Wendy, and Aunt Lanie all in school together?
Me: No, we were in a club together called Rainbow Girls.
Natalie: I can see Aunt Lanie as a Rainbow Girl, but not Aunt Chris.
(Kinda makes you wonder what she thinks a Rainbow girl is...)
#2
Natalie: Mom, were you alive in Martin Luther King was shot.
Me: No
Natalie: That's too bad, you missed out on some history there.
Caroline: What about when Elvis died?
Me: Yes, I was 5 and I remember that I could not believe it.
Caroline: Wow! I'm 5 now! I can't believe you remember Elvis!
(And I can't think of a better conversation to highlight the quintessential difference between those two sisters.)
One of our most treasured FRED possessions was a little notebook that Toni used to write our particularly good quotes, most of which cannot be shared on my blog for language/content. (Not that I would call this a G-rated blog by far, but still...) Since I've been home, I've caught myself doing something similar. While I don't have a little green notebook, I have been keeping a record of some the funnier things I've heard over the last several days. And what's even better is that most of it can be shared right here:
#1
"Well, what did you expect when you took off on your trip wearing that...that...'harlot shirt'?!"
#2
Me (recounting a conversation with my sister to my friend Chris): "So Janet said, 'Melessa, never in your life have you dressed like a slut..."
Chris: "And God knows we've tried to teach you!"
#3
John: "Why weren't you wearing a wire, I'd have paid MONEY to see that!"
(I didn't have the heart to tell him wearing a wire only provides sound, not visuals)
#4
John: "Why didn't you tell me this was going on?!"
Me: "What would you have done?"
John: "Started calling you both on your cell phones every 15 minutes, maybe enlisted Chris to do it with me...(trails off)...And I guess that's my answer isn't it?"
Me: "Pretty much."
#5
Heidi: "Why the hell did you apologize?! If a snake fell on my head, I'd have said a lot more than 'Oh my God!'"
(A small garden snake fell on my head and bounced down from there to my feet at work last week. While a very religious co-worker didn't seem worried about the snake attack, my yelling "Oh my God" when it happened was quite the problem for her.)
#6
Me (to Chris): So basically, if we're all ever together we'll have to be more than just friendly to her. I think we'll actually have to be...well...inclusive.
Chris (intrigued): "Really? You're saying this?"
Me: "She's a Muppets fan, Chris."
Chris: "Well in that case..."
#7
Gran D: "You're mother said WHAT to you?"
Me: "That I shouldn't talk because no one listens to me. And I just can't let her talk to me like that in front of the kids."
Gran D: "She shouldn't talk to you like THAT in front of adults. I didn't know she said that. I'm going to have a talk with her..."
(Did I mention how great it is to have Gran D living in Oklahoma again?)
That's all I can think of for now-and if I've misquoted feel free to make corrections. My memory isn't what it once was.
Apparently, I've skipped a few movie reviews through the years...
The Remastered Star Wars trilogy-I loved them! One of my favorite English students (I taught English one night a week in Italy) told me all about them-in fact most of our English practice consisted of talking about Star Wars and I was very excited I would be home in time to see them. I went with a lot of the other students in my department at the U of A to see A New Hope. Then, I waited until I was back in Norman visiting to see Empire and Return of the Jedi with Dave and Christina. While I really liked them, I confess that I still like the cheesy Ewok music from the original ROTJ. But, I did like the altered appearance of Anakin when they released the DVD's a few years ago.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace-I am too much of a fan to be objective about these movies. I was sorry this was Liam Neeson's only appearance in the new trilogy. I was bothered that he didn't disappear when he died. Thought Jake Lloyd was a little "too" cute, though he held his own. I wasn't nearly as annoyed by Jar Jar or Boss Nass as critics thought I should be (though they weren't my favorite characters). Natalie Portman rocked and made me glad that's what I had named my daughter the year before. I thought having C3PO and R2 in all 6 movies was a little contrived, but what can you do? It was neat to see the Jedi temple and so many living Jedi since the later three movies can only talk about those things as the stuff of legend. I liked Yoda slightly better as an actual Muppet, even if CGI does work better. Darth Maul was pretty creepy and I was amused that Natalie referred to this movie for the first several years of her life as "Bad Man and the Robbers." (Darth Maul=Bad Man, Battle Droids who say "Roger, Roger"=Robbers) She would watch the end while saying "the bad man falled and then he breaked." It was also amusing to see the beginnings of "I've got a bad feeling about this." and "NOOO!"
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones-It was a little campy. Especially some of C3PO's dialog at the end. I saw this one opening day, but I still managed to like it enough to go back and see it again the next day. (The second time was "to take Natalie," of course.) I loved Obi Wan in the bar "you don't want to sell me death sticks," loved the visuals of Amidala's home (filmed in Italy, naturally), and got into their little love story in spite of myself and Hayden Christiansen's bad acting. I loved the big Jedi battle, loved the Yoda/Count Dooku battle even more, and I remember watching it later on DVD with a friend and telling Amidala "If your man comes home and tells you he slaughtered an entire village, that's when you smile politely and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith-I didn't like the fact that Amidala let her broken heart kill her rather than to live for her babies. I did not like that ONE BIT. Also, it was inconsistent with the dialogue between Luke and Leia had about her remembering her "real" mother. But Lucas actually acknowledged that he was willing to sacrifice that tiny detail in favor of the scenes of Darth Vader rising as Amidala's body was pushed through the streets of Naboo-a good call on his part. I was amused that they had to re-shoot the scene in the end because he forgot to have Obi Wan take the lightsaber he would later give to Luke. Still, even with all its inconsistencies, I thought it was a fitting end to the movies and I used to really like it. (Then Tristan insisted on watching it about 3oo times when it came out on DVD. I love that he's such a fan, but seriously...)
Other Movies I've Really Liked in the Last 13 Years:
Here are my 10 songs shuffled at random:
1. Long Time Gone-Dixie Chicks
2. Longer-Dan Fogelberg
3. You're So Vain-Carly Simon
4. Polka Power-Weird Al
5. Score Tonight-Grease 2 Soundtrack (a.k.a. "The Bowling Song")
6. Forever-Kenny Loggins (First time I ever slow-danced with a boy, it was to this song.)
7. I Get a Kick Out of You-Anything Goes soundtrack
8. Saturday Night-Bay City Rollers
9. Any Man of Mine-Shania Twain
10. You Don't Love Me Anymore-Weird Al
And here are my 5 downloads for the week:
1. Silent All These Years by Tori Amos (I actually managed to wear out my "Little Earthquakes" cassette in the early '90's)
2. Save the Last Dance for Me-Michael Buble' (Yes, I'm embarrassed-what's your point?!)
3. Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (the one they play in a bunch of kids' commercials)
4. You Don't Know Me by Jann Arden
5. On the Road Again by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (You're right Chris, this is fun stuff!)
Of course, no sooner did I download this stuff than I discovered Neri Per Caso has a few albums on iTunes too. I guess it's time to haul out the change bucket...
Did you play? Let me know in the Comments section!
Here are some FRED pics. The first one is, believe it or not, a lot closer than it should have been given the distance between us and Jen when it was taken. I'm glad we opted not to flash her.
Shh! Do you think people can tell it's me? Because of course an upstanding LDS mom of four would never watch a show like South Park. (Why yes that IS a coincidence that the gal in sunglasses who looks like me is wearing a green Kermit shirt.)Reading
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris-
It was less like a book and more like a series of essays. I enjoyed most of them quite a bit, with my favorite being the one he wrote about his youngest brother. Some of them were a little over-the-top, but I'm still anxious to read some of his other books.
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
Since I listened to Leah and Rachel last Fall, other OSC books have been continually recommended to me by friends and none more so than this one. It's been on my 'to read' list since then, but who knows how long it would have sat there had Libby not gifted me with a copy of it at FRED. (Thanks Libby!) With two long flights home and a way-too-long layover in Kansas City (THREE hours, even free wi-fi loses its charm after a while), I was grateful to have a book that truly held my attention. I still have a few chapters left to go, and as this is the first in a series; I'm grateful to have a new reading direction now that the days of Harry Potter are finished.
Watching
Big Love
Now that we're at the end of the season, it's really getting good again. At the rate they're going though, that poor actress who plays Margene is going to have to play a pregnant girl for two years or so. I can't tell you how irritating (but truthful) it is to watch people portray judgemental, narrow-minded Latter-Day Saints as they judge practicing polygamists out one side of their mouths while the reality is that we sit around in Sunday School speaking of polygamy as "an eternal principle." I'm not saying I condone its practice, I'm not saying I've turned a blind eye to the abuses it creates or to its encouragement of the subjugation of women; what I am saying is that a Latter-Day Saint who gets his/her enjoyment out of standing in judgement over those who practice it haven't looked very far back into their church histories and/or family trees. I think my basic point here is that judgemental people make me cranky. Especially when I have to admit that what you see on Big Love is a pretty accurate portrayal.
And while I won't exactly confess to watching them, this house is all caught up on episodes of Hannah Montana and Kim Possible.
In My Netflix Queue
Dot and the Kangaroo-
Am I the only person who remembers this playing endlessly on HBO in the early '80's? I spotted it at Wal-Mart for $1 and figured 'why not?' The little girls love it, but they certainly don't sob at the end when Dot calls "Come back, Kangaroo!" the way my sister and I did. Also, how crappy is that animation? I can't believe we were entertained by that. I will admit that it does almost tempt me to look for Rikki Tikki Tavi, but I'll bet the snake voices would still terrify me.
Extracurricular Activities-
Lanie's Wine-Tasting Party/ Cruise Planning Meeting-
I LOVED Lanie's sister Melissa's very professional 'Power Point' presentation (done with a ball-point pen and spiral notebook). I also enjoyed getting to see everyone. How nice to go from one girlfriend's getaway straight to another one. And I needed a good party after a rough week both at home and at work. I can't wait for our Bachelorette Party Cruise, Ladies!
We all woke up on Monday morning with a shared feeling of sadness. This weekend which had been so good for us in whatever way we needed, was at an end. The instructions dictated that we leave the dirty towels on the floor in a pile rather than laundering them and that we leave all beds that were occupied unmade. Those are my kind of instructions! I had packed up most things the night before, so I tried to pull everything together as quickly as possible so as not to cut into what little time we had left together.
We came downstairs, all feeling a little blue, and began to divide up all the snack foods for those of us who had long flights and we sent the bigger groceries home with the Colorado natives. (Lucky ladies! They got to stay in the state!) It turned out there was still time for several rounds of "Cliff, Shag, or Marry?" (Who do you shag, who do you marry, who do you toss off a cliff?) I think my favorite was Larry King, Donald Trump, and Dom Deloise. (Toni's evil, isn't she?!) We cooked up the rest of the eggs so that we didn't leave "stranger eggs" for the next renters, we loaded the dishwasher, checked under all the beds; and began to bid Colorado goodbye. It was a lot harder to leave than any of us expected. We loaded our cars and fought back tears as we exchanged good-bye hugs. We knew it wasn't forever as we had spent the last two nights selecting potential FRED destinations through the next 15 years. (Don't ask me how old I'll be by then, I've already done the math.) I think all of us were more touched by our weekend than we ever expected. I know I was. Before too long, we were driving back to Denver waving at the llamas, "Buford T." in Fairplay, "Sooper Pooper's," the downtown area where The Oxford was, and finally arriving at the airport. Between turning in the rental car, getting our baggage checked, and getting through security; there wasn't a lot of time for long goodbyes when we got to the terminals. In a way, I'm kind of relieved. Saying goodbye was hard enough without prolonging it any more than was necessary. As wonderful as I thought everyone would be before I met them, they were that much better in person. I've missed them all just a bit more than I thought I would this week.
As Toni said earlier this week, I think all of us took what we needed from this weekend. I definitely began it by facing my fears, owning up to some of the bigger mistakes I've made, saying I was sorry, and (FINALLY) letting it go. But that's not all I've taken away. I didn't realize how complacent I had become in my own life until I came home and noticed. My kids need a little more discipline and structure. My house needs a little more order. I need not let certain people talk to me the way that they do. It's OK for me to demand a certain level of respect and not to settle for less than that. Even from people I've previously taken it from. And suddenly I just don't feel limited by boundaries I've imagined or limits I've set for myself. To be honest, I feel just a little bit rudderless right now. It's scary, but also exciting. I think this next year is going to be an interesting time to be me...
Libby and I woke up way too early yet again. So, it was back to reading and dozing until we really felt like waking up. Then, it was back downstairs for more chatting. I think it was at this point that we realized we had purchased more food than we could ever possibly eat. So, I guess it's good that I couldn't remember what I wanted to buy from Sooper Poopers (another nickname) when we were there. On the other hand, it was my third day without a Diet Coke. Not too long after we ate, we all decided to take a group hike. I think that's where almost all of the best trip pictures were taken. As I was traveling without a camera, I stayed towards the front of the hiking group (I guess my daily elliptical training is doing something). Eventually, we kind of split into 2 groups. At one point we were so far ahead of the other group that we could see them on the opposite side of a curve down below us. We debated mooning them, but then remembered that Texas Jen had her massive camera lens and thought better of it. Apparently, this was the first time Emily flashed us on the trip, but we were too far away to see it. Once we had reached the top of the road (and by "the top" I mean as high as we were willing to climb) we made our way back down. I thought about collecting rocks for the kids, but had seen geodes in every gift shop from Salida to Denver and back, and thought I would rather buy those. I can't emphasize enough the sheer beauty of our cabin setting. Had I bothered to bring my water bottle, I think I could have hiked much farther. BUT, the promise of an 1880's museum about an hour's drive from us had intrigued me.
After a lunch-type snack where Emily gave us a flashing encore (that Toni missed, but the rest of us applauded), Jen, Emily, Libby, Stef, and I decided to go on a museum hunt. Tonya gave us good directions, and off we went. (We took an hour-long "shortcut" leaving Salida the previous evening and didn't want a repeat. But did you know Salida has both a Sonic AND a Super Wal-Mart? Get lost enough, and you will find them.) Anyway, we followed the route Tonya gave us. We drove up, and up, and up some more. At about 10,000 feet, we found Fairplay and there was our little 1880's village museum. A little place called "South Park City." Yes Virginia, there really is a South Park. And had any of the t-shirts been acceptable for my social circle, I totally would have bought one. As it was, we took our picture with a cardboard cut-out of Mr. Hanky (I donned my sunglasses so no one would know it was me posing with him), found a coffee place (I skipped my Diet Coke in favor of yet more water), and found the museum entrance. Fortunately, it was open until 7 p.m.
As much as I wanted to poke fun, I fell in love with that little place. I would work there in a New York minute. Of course, it already has a staff and is only open about 6 mos. out of the year; but I adored it. Because it "never rains in Colorado" we were amused that it starting pouring within minutes of purchasing our admission. Emily told us not to waste our money on the $1.00 granny ponchos, but we bought them anyway. Then, when she changed her mind, they were sold out. :>( We were styling' in our clear plastic elf suits-let me tell ya! I was really impressed with the museum, for as little as it was and as limited as I'm sure their funding is; they made the most of what they had. It's made up of a series of buildings depicting life in an 1880's mining town. While it lacks the hands-on quality of our museum, the artifacts are all labeled which makes the self-guided tours a little easier. (I'm very familiar with household Victorian items and farm equipment, but I would have been lost in the doctor and dentist exhibits) One building houses a ten-minute video. This is where I likely would have gotten us all thrown out if the place had a bigger staff to supervise.
At first, it seems very authentic. They seat you in a little bitty theatre where they proceed to tell you the history of South Park City with voice-overs and the strategic use of historical photos. The museum I work at has a similar collection (it's really quite impressive) and as I watched, I wondered if I could find a grant to do something similar. Then...well...they talked about the life of a miner. While they could have used the many pictures they had of miner's conditions (I saw the reproductions of them in the exhibits), they decided instead to narrate the miners' lives by filming the cheesy dioramas in the room next door. As the narrator said "Life for a miner was hard" all you saw were the cheesy little clay figures with their happy little grins. Emily and I burst out laughing and could not stop (I blame the altitude). Once we caught our breath, Emily took a sip of tea. I hadn't noticed that and when I said out the side of my mouth "Yeah, life sucks when you're 6 inches tall and made of clay," I thought I might have killed her. I was very relieved when she started breathing normally again. But all it took for the rest of the day was a reference to miners or clay and we were giggling like teenagers again.
All too soon, we finished up with the museum and were ready to leave. We must have been a little bit too ready because no sooner did we find the road back to the highway then Jen was pulled over. The cop was a cross between RoboCop and Sheriff Lobo or as Jen said "He was Buford T. Justice Junior!" No amount of Emily cleveage or Jen's explanation that we were from out-of-town did us any good. We probably stumbled into the town speed trap. Either way, that cop was a jackass and I hope he chokes on the ticket he wrote us (maybe he's brain damaged from the lifelong lack of oxygen?). Still, we laughed about it on the drive back and never harder than when Libby sang the theme song from Smokey and the Bandit-who knew the gal from Seattle would know those lyrics?!
We got home in time for dinner and plans were in the works for a swim in some hot springs that just might turn into skinny dipping. I haven't been skinny dipping since the mid-80's, but I was thinking that I just might be on-board for it. But first, Stef and Jen and I realized that we needed to check-in online for our boarding passes. So, we went back to Salida to Bongo Billy's so we could do that. A lightening storm on the way back pretty much pre-empted any swimming adventures we may or may not have been planning (though I discovered when I got home that I had left my bathing suit hanging up in the laundry room, so any swimming I did really would have been au naturale-scary!). To make up for our lack of gratuitous nudity, Emily made sure Toni didn't miss her last 'flash.' Toni actually blushed. On this trip, I saw Toni blush and heard Jen K drop the "f" bomb. Now that's a trip!
We went back for a final round of the question game. It was a little more emotional this time around, and more than one of us got choked up when we gave our answers. My question was which Muppet are you (no surprise there)? My favorite question was about our personal theme songs. In my 20's, it was definitely Tori Amos' "Silent All These Years," but now I'm leaning towards Wicked's "Defying Gravity" (much to my mother's chagrin). I also talked a lot more about my screenplay, and while I know the likelihood of finding an underwriter and actually getting it on-screen are slim to none, it was nice to see nodding heads and smiling faces of people who believed, at least while I described it, that I actually had a chance of seeing it filmed someday. I think one of the best things about FRED was that, while we all 'knew' each other, we hadn't known each other for all of our lives. We could be ourselves without any pre-conceived notions of who or what we were 'supposed' to be. We could just...be. Rarely have I felt so comfortable in my own skin. I loved it.
We went to bed early as we had to check-out by 10 a.m. the following morning, but I think most of us stayed up late talking. I know Libby and I were guilty of it. I enjoyed our conversation and I found it hard to believe that one of the most emotional, most entertaining, and most enlightening weekends of my life was almost over...
So we're at family game night and Mom's in a bad mood because I'm refusing to discuss my Colorado trip with her. Rather than confront me, she starts picking on my cousin Jonathan while we're playing Scattegories. As she knew I would, I start to defend him. (He's more than capable of protecting himself, but I hate it when she does that.) So, she starts sniping at me. I think I could have blown it off when she said IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN that I shouldn't bother to speak because "No one really listens to you anyway." I'm not sure how many times she's undermined me in front of my children without me realizing it, but I let her know on no uncertain terms that she was NEVER doing it again. Then I gathered up the kids, apologized to Grandma and Jonathan, and I walked out on her mid-sentence.
That felt good.
Ladies, I suspect this might be all your collective faults. Thank you.
Just remembering how out-of-it I was that Friday night must have effected my ability to recall some of the funnier events of the evening. Two of the weekend's best quotes came up that night at Amica's, and both of them are even OK to post. The first detail I forgot was that as we were finally being seated in the restaurant, we spotted Mr. Green Jeans leaving with a big ol' jug in his arms and a reasonably attractive girl in-tow. She had a jug of her own. I later noted that "If I had to go home with him, I'd need a jug too." (Since only two of the quotes in Toni's infamous green notebook are mine, I wanted to be sure and claim them. The other one will come up in tomorrow's entry.) Later as we were all chatting at the table, I was very amused (and a little puzzled) when Libby leaned over to Mimi and said "Did you just say Baby Jesus butt plug?" Indeed, she had. All I could think of were the butt mugs that two popular morning DJ's give away here in the metro. Apparently, that's not what they were talking about. I'm so sheltered here in the Bible Belt...
Anyway, that pretty much made "butt plugs" the catch phrase of the evening; if not the rest of the weekend. As Libby and I fell asleep that night, it was to the sounds of laughter and butt plug character suggestions from Toni and Janey next door to us. I fell asleep to the sounds of "wax on/wax off" and "MATT DILLON!"
Oddly enough, both Libby and I were awake by 6:45 the next morning. Weren't we supposed to be on vacation? So, we did what any self-respecting ladies of leisure would do. We grabbed books and went back to bed. I found David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day on the cabin bookshelves and quickly laid claim to it. Then, I heard the doorbell ring. And it was Angela Giles Klocke! There I was in my pajamas, no bra, and my worst morning breath when the famous agk is downstairs at the door. (One of the things I most resent about my body AFTER the four kids is my constant need to support "the girls." That used to be optional...Then again, that was when I was 24. Maybe I shouldn't blame it completely on the kids.) Anyway, I listened to the conversation for a bit and concluded that after all the joking about me needed a ball gown for Thursday night (inside joke), she was actually wearing one. I already knew from her blog and our limited email correspondence that I loved her, but now I adored her! I found my bra, brushed my teeth, and dashed downstairs. And there was Angela! She offered to share her dress, we both made flat-chested jokes, and life was good. Of all of us, she had been a little hesitant about the gathering and I was glad she was there.
We breakfasted intermittently and did lots of chatting while we waited for everyone to get up and around. Again, it was like we had all known each other for years. Rarely have I felt so at-ease in a group of women unless you count hanging out with Wendy, Chris, and Lanie (which I don't because sometimes we're more like siblings than friends). The stand-out quote from this morning was when we were listening to Stef recount some incidents with her ex-husband. As she chatted, some of us spotted a hummingbird out the picture window. While a few of us ooh'ed and aah'ed at his proximity, Jen knew he was really there to comment on Stef's story and said "He's like, THAT BASTARD." And he must have been, because as soon as Jen cleared that up, he flew away. The morning was relaxing, but we were all a bit antsy for some adventure. Kelly and Angela went walking, the rest of us showered and dressed. At some point, Tonya called her s.o. (and all-around awesome guy) Shane over to come and see if he could fix the floor where we had scratched it trying to move a couch. We got to meet her lovely daughter Sarah too. (Poor Shane, would you have wanted to be the lone male at the cabin? I think he handled it well, and it was very nice of him to come and fix something we had screwed up.) Eventually, he felt he had done as much as he could for the floor, and they left.
Once we were all ready, we decided to see downtown Salida by day. Since our chosen lunch destination would have wi-fi, I grabbed my laptop. We found Bongo Billy's quickly thanks to Tonya, ordered our lunch, and pitifully blog-addicted me plugged in immediately. As I checked my email, I was amused to find one from my buddy John that had come to me and Chris first thing Friday morning. (It was Saturday by now.) I'm not sure if he knew where I was or what my plans had been on Thursday, but there he was, after months of not hearing from him, giving us a chatty run-down on his life and asking me oh-so-casually what was new in our lives. I found his timing suspiciously convenient. Typical John. But, I did show off pics of his little girl to a very appreciative table full of moms. After sending a brief email to let my husband and kids know all was well and that they would hear from me when I had cell service again, I passed around the laptop to anyone else who wanted to use it. We finished our lunch, and then the touring began.
Salida is a pretty little place. We walked along the Arkansas River, we looked in vain for t-shirts, we window shopped, we collapsed onto various benches here and there when the altitude got to us, we had smoothies at a place with "Cowgirl" in the name (which I found very funny because an old boyfriend once wrote a song about me called "The Lyin' Cowgirl"), and eventually wound up at the liquor store where I happily posed for blackmail pictures with a bottle of Wild Turkey. Everyone else bought ingredients for Bailey's smoothies and margaritas. We saw that Shakespeare in the Park was performing Hamlet that night, but everyone opted to skip it in favor of booze, homemade lasagna, and salad a la Toni, Janey, Mimi, and Tonya (you will note I was NOT one of the major contributing cooks for the weekend, believe me Ladies, that's a good thing).
By the time we got back to the cabin, I was exhausted. I think there were several factors at play here. Work had been busy leading right up to the trip, the altitude was still a problem for me, and all the anticipation of the long-awaited getaway was finally disapating. I needed to process, I needed a nap. I grabbed my book and retreated until it was time to set the table. As we got ready, Libby wowed us all with her fan-folded paper napkins. As usual, I couldn't remember whether it was the knife or the spoon that went on the outside (Sorry, Aunt M. You tried your best with me.) but the places still got set. The food was wonderful as was the conversation. I felt like I could say anything to any of these women without fear of judgement or reprisal. It was very healing. I think we all got up from that table feeling a little closer to each other. But, I still felt quite woozy. I went back to the bedroom and listened to my music for awhile. When I took the headphones off, it was obvious that I was missing all kinds of fun. Everyone was playing 'the question game' and apparently the question was "Pick your celebrity three-some." I'm not at all creative when it comes to that kind of a game, but when the "Which SNL regular would you do?" question came up, I had to race down the stairs and say "Jimmy Fallon." (Did I really just admit that to the entire Internet?) I stuck around for the rest of the game. Apparently, I missed a rather spectacular Bailey's smoothie explosion and answering the "what did you do if you woke up a man" question. That night was also when the infamous circus-music humming originated. And did I miss the significance or Wilford Brimley that night or was that from Thursday night dinner? I know I missed his significance, but I still laughed myself silly when he showed up on Toni's Flickr list.
I remember the next night's questions a lot better and I don't remember much else from that night except going back to bed content in the knowledge that I was in the right place, with the right people. And that while I had worried a little about the time and money that I spent to come to FRED, I knew now that it had all been worth it. (And now I remember the "what's the worst thing you ever found in your parents' bedroom question, but all I ever found there was a copy of "The Carpetbaggers," though I'm sure it was inappropriate reading for me at 9 years old.)
After 'hello and goodnight' hugs in the lobby, we crammed into the tiny elevator (which reminded me in the best way possible of the one in my first apartment in Italy) and divided into our separate rooms. Emily joined Libby and I in our room. Em is a professional counselor and maybe they thought I would need her expertise, but we didn't delve into anything that night deeper than googling perverse bedroom activities to shock Toni with the following day. (I'm not sure we surprised her, but Emily DID manage to make her blush later on...) Apparently, I missed out on a few of these by not going out to dinner with the girls. (Sadly, I also missed out on some good text messages. My white trash cell phone sucks.) Emily and Libby were happy to catch me up, though. I finally fell asleep and dreamed, oddly enough, that Mitt Romney was trying to work his way into the church's First Presidency by means of the Imperius Curse and was working the crowd at an all-LDS beach party. I was the only one to see through him and, of course, nobody believed me. Weird (and kinda funny).
I woke up Friday morning feeling as rested and happy as I can remember in my adult life. I guess I was carrying more guilt than even I realized. It's nice to have it gone. We all showered, dressed, and I wished for a Diet Coke even while faithfully consuming lots of water as anyone with any altitude experience had advised me. Everyone else was thrilled to spot Common Grounds across from the hotel. While I never benefit from a good cup of coffee, I was glad to see l'aranciata for sale. (Italian orange soda, rarely if ever available for purchase in Oklahoma-at least not where I shop.) We had a little breakfast with all our talking. I could tell we were in for a good weekend. Then, we did some sight-seeing. My original intention was to see the Molly Brown house, but it was a 2 mile walk. I may have done it alone, but I certainly wasn't going to drag Emily and Libby that far. So, we all wound up at a nearby bookstore.
Before long, we decided to load up and drive to Salida. But first, we had to take some pictures...From this came my first favorite quote from the trip. Sadly, I can't share it here because most of you who read this blog are way too refined for my preferred vocabulary. And that's too bad because it was funny-though it was kind of situational. (If anyone wants to see a list of spectacular FRED quotes, shoot me an email and I'll send it. That way the cussing police will leave my little Gmail Inbox alone.) After a few of us sucked it up and stood in the front for some group pics, we paid for our rooms, brought down our suitcases, and checked out. Next stop...Salida!
Or not. First, we had to make a grocery stop at King Sooper's or, as Janey's hubby says, "King Poopers." (Which turned into even worse nicknames as the weekend progressed. What can I say? Get a bunch of women together and they cuss like sailors...) At that point, the altitude was beginning to get to us just a little. I remember pushing my cart through the store with a vague curiosity about what I was going to eat for the rest of the trip, but couldn't be bothered by it enough to really buy any groceries. (This turned out to be a good thing.) As all of us paid for our stuff, we were treated to the second storm I had seen since arriving. It's a good thing Toni assured us before we left that "it never rains in Colorado." (Sorry Toni)
Eventually, the rain let up and we were back on the road. After about an hour's worth of miles on the road and dirty stories being told in the car, we stopped at some porta-potties at about 9,000 feet above sea level. I need to look up Tucson's altitude again, but I'm pretty sure I hadn't been up that high unless I was in a pressurized airplane cabin. I was almost too scared to get out of the car. Not to mention, it was raining again. Soon, we were back to an altitude of about 7500 and we realized that we had missed our turn-off for the cabin. All of us whipped out our cell phones to let Toni (who was in the lead car) know we needed to turn around. But none of them worked! Only a few of us would have any service at all the entire weekend. (Verizon did, Cingular/ATT-not so much.) How were we going to get her attention? A combination of bright-flashing and honking did the trick and after a well-orchestrated u-turn, we were pulling into the cabin driveway.
But to call the Bright Star Ranch a cabin...it's not quite right. The place was gorgeous, spacious, and thoroughly equipped with everything we could possibly need (including an iron and ironing board). There were 5 bedrooms, a loft with a small sofa bed, three bathrooms, an indoor fireplace, an outdoor fire pit, a ton of good books (and some really random ones) on the shelves; and once we got the groceries unloaded we were SET. Before long, we were hanging out in the living room (though you could carry on conversations from just about every spot in the house) and talking when Tonya and Mimi pulled up. They were friends of Toni's, and not originally part of the HenHouse group, and within about 15 minutes I felt like I had known both of them just as long as I had everyone else. This wasn't too big a surprise as I already felt like I had known Janey forever, and when Kelly arrived we were almost complete. (The famous AGK would join us the next day.) And then the fun began...
We decided to eat dinner in Salida. I think we actually drove there without incident. I was really feeling the altitude at that point (Yes Dad, I WAS drinking water, I promise) and my memories about the evening are scattered. There was a huge wait for any of the places we wanted to eat, so we grabbed a buzzer and walked around while we waited. Eventually, we all collapsed on the steps of the VFW where we were cordially greeted by a scary man we dubbed "Mr. Green Jeans." Between trying to avoid eye contact every time he walked over to chat us up and giggling at the dude in short-shorts who (sadly) used a bike as his primary transportation, the long wait passed and we went inside. I haven't had a drunk-like buzz in many, many years; but as I waved my arms with my every statement and felt like everything I said was profound; I'm pretty sure that's what I had going on Friday night. Even if the strongest thing I consumed that day was some aranciata. I do remember laughing with Toni who said "It's that rocky mountain high, Baby!" And it definitely was.
After dinner, we found a grocery store so that we didn't have to eat the "stranger eggs" someone had left behind in the refrigerator. At some point, we changed up our grocery list to include juice, half and half, cream cheese, and cereal; and we decided that "stranger eggs" were OK. When they flickered the grocery store lights at us, we paid up (I again forgot to buy Diet Coke), and drove back to our cabin. I believe it was on that drive home that Mimi introduced my second favorite quote of the day which involved the phrase "situational lesbians" since most of the bedrooms in the cabin had queen and king-sized beds. The funniest moment of the return drive was when, anxious not to miss our turn again, Texas Jen turned into the scariest driveway I've ever seen. We were surrounded by trailers and car parts on all sides and I was just waiting for the hound dogs and rednecks with guns to rush our big white Suburban. (I was also laughing uncontrollably-rocky mountain high, you know.) Had we done that in Oklahoma or Texas, I KNOW that would have happened. Since Jen was in the lead, she began speculating on what Toni was saying in the car behind us. And then I heard it, I heard Texas Jen say the "f" word, and not just the "f" but the "MF" one. I remember sitting in the back seat thinking "This is so surreal. I am here in Colorado with Libby, Emily, Toni, Stef, and Jennifer K, AND I just heard her say the "f" word. COOL!! It gets no better than this." And it may not have gotten any better, but it stayed that good all weekend.
When I left off, I was getting ready to board the plane to Denver at my very favorite place, the Kansas City airport. (When I'm writing, italics=sarcasm) My plans for the evening were two-fold: To meet a groups of my online mommy friends for the first time at the airport, ride to our hotel, and then to meet up with an old boyfriend who lives there later on that evening. For any of you who have read this blog regularly or even just this post will know that any one of these things are pretty huge for a shy gal like me. The whole day was shaping up to be monumental, and I tend to crack under that kind of pressure. I wondered for weeks how that day would go. And here it is:
(Author's Note: This meeting took place with the approval of both of our spouses. And if you don't know the particulars of the situation, you really need not rush to judge me. And that's all I have to say about that.)
Fortunately, the morning's panic and the relatively short flight to KC didn't give me much time to dwell on what lay ahead. The flight went well. I had two magazines to read, a crossword puzzle to work, and my iPod to distract me. I was doing fine until the pilot announced that we were 135 miles outside of Denver and beginning that gradual descent. It was as if someone had pushed an internal "panic" button. I pulled my backpack out, stuffed the magazines into it, and stowed it back under the seat in front of me. I decided I didn't want one of them, so out came the backpack and the magazine, which I then shoved into the seat compartment. I put my iPod back on and realized I hated every song on it. I put the Nano in my purse and the headphones back into the backpack. I moved the armrest up and down. I rubbed my palms across my legs and made sure my nails were still painted. I bounced up and down in my seat. If there had been a tape deck in front of me, I would have no doubt stuck my cassette in there and inadvertantly fast-forwarded all the way through the song I was trying to find before rewinding it too far back. I wished for a tape deck so I could do that. I wished forValium. I wished for Xanax. I almost bought a glass of $3 wine, but pictured myself reacting badly to it and exiting the airport in hand cuffs. (I haven't had any alcohol in a very long time.) I felt bad for the elderly couple stuck sitting with me, but they seemed oblivious to my little freak-out. Thank goodness.
All too soon, we were on the ground. I checked my voice mail. Dave had called to ask me to let him know when I landed (we had chatted in Kansas City) and Libby had called to find out where to meet me! I called Dave and then Libby and I played a fun game of hide and seek with our cell phones. We finally found each other at the big Harley-always a good landmark for me! In a situation like this, I can't imagine a better person to make first contact with than Libby. It was wonderful to finally see her in person. We walked to the shuttle and talked about how everyone else was getting in so much later due to flight delays that maybe we would be better off taking a shuttle to the hotel. In fact, I believe Texas Jen's instructions to me were to "park your ass on a shuttle and go straight to that hotel as soon as you get your luggage." (Texas Jen is a long-time reader of my blog.) Libby and I went to our respective carousels and I was very relieved to find my suitcase there-even with the big yellow "late" tag on it. Almost without discussing it, we both walked straight over to the shuttle counter and signed ourselves up. Within five minutes, we were leaving the airport.
Poor Libby, when I'm nervous I either clam up completely or talk 5 miles a minute. I went with the latter. I should have given her some earplugs instead of her giving them to me. She says the ride wasn't bad. She's a nice girl, that Libby. I realized what a small place Oklahoma is as the shuttle driver wove in and out of all kinds of traffic and basically scared the daylights out of me. (In my defense, there was a Denver native in the back seat and she didn't care for his driving either.) Sooner than expected, we were at The Oxford. Since most of my hotel choices tend to revolve around the availability of a micro-fridge and space enough for the 6 of us, the prospect of staying in a fancy-ish boutique hotel was exciting. Libby pointed out some other nice hotels as we drove around dropping off other passengers. (Libby works in travel, she's the one who suggested our hotel in the first place-it was nice to have company for the ride, and especially company who knew all the good places to stay.) We arrived in one piece and hurried through the rain sprinkles with our luggage to the front door where, to my pleasant surprise, they paid people to open the doors for us. (That doesn't happen very often at the places I usually stay.)
We walked up to the front desk where Miguel didn't seem to have a clue how to help us. He tried to tell us there wasn't a room reserved for us which we knew was bunk because Toni had reserved three several months ago. We called Toni's room. She was right there in the same town as we were. It felt surreal. Even so, it was no surprise that she set Miguel straight so quickly. We practically ran to the elevator, Toni was right there upstairs. I think we did drop off the suitcases in our room first. Maybe. We met Janey (who I knew I would love-and I was right), hugged Toni, made fun of clueless guys at hotel counters; and then I noticed what time it was...and it was time to make that phone call.
I didn't ask for privacy, but boy did that room empty fast when I started dialing. What do you say to someone whose last words to you were, well, too "R" rated for the blog? I went with "Hey! It's me." And then tried to cram as many words into my next two sentences as possible. (I hope you caught a little of that, anyway. And you were talking fast too. Oh yes you were.) Then, I went to Toni and Janey's room to fret wait on the call. I was nervous bordering on terrified. (Seriously, go back and read the post I linked to at the beginning if you're unfamiliar with the build-up that led to this meeting.) But, I was also right there in the room with Toni, Libby, and Janey for the first time ever! Again, the word for it was surreal. They are even better in person than online. Not that there are bound to be too many surprises after 9 years even in an online friendship, but even so this was better than I had even imagined-and I fancy myself a writer, so I have quite the imagination. Before too long though, the phone rang and I made my way to the hotel lobby. I took one of those deep cleansing breaths that yoga instructors and Lamaze teachers are so fond of, and got on the elevator (where I took about 5 more).
I got off the elevator and everything was fine. And really, I could end Thursday's travelogue right there. I know this is the part of my story most interesting to some, and I think that's unfortunate. While it meant a great deal to me to get some long-overdue closure and to find out what's gone on in the last 13 years with him, that's all there was to it. I've blogged in detail about my last two years of high school in all their diffculty. I'm feeling a lot more private about those posts lately and while they haven't yet been removed from my blog, I'm not going to go out of my way to point people in their direction. Let it suffice to say that I met the absolutely wrong kind of boy and that he subjected me to every kind of abuse that exists over the course of our two year relationship. After enduring something like that, I could have gone in a really bad direction. In my opinion, it was the friend I met up with in Denver on Thursday night who made the difference back then. He believed in me, and eventually I did. There were many good friends on my side helping me to recover and remember who I was, but he was one of the best. I'll be forever grateful for that, even though I gave so little back in return. He had such a hand in making me who I am today, that looking in the mirror over the last 13 years that we haven't spoken has been difficult at times. It isn't any more. And that was my only hope and expectation for that evening. I'm sorry that there are those among you who obviously don't give me enough credit as a wife and mother to make good choices for my family or to respect the sanctity of someone else's marriage. At least the people who really know me know better, and at the end of the day that's all that matters. It was a good evening and I did the right thing by making sure it happened.
We said goodbye outside my hotel. As I turned to go inside, I thought for just a moment about being sad. After all, all goodbyes are sad. But it didn't happen that way. No sooner did I walk back through the door than I locked eyes with Jen, Toni, Stef, Emily, Libby, and Janey. They had just returned from dinner and managed to come inside without me noticing it. I couldn't have written that scene better myself. It's hard to dwell on saying goodbye to one good friend you've missed when you are finally saying hello to several others who stepped in long ago to fill that void. As I hugged everyone 'hello,' I knew I was in the right place. Tired as I was, I couldn't wait for what the rest of the weekend would bring us.
My plan for the evening was to jump right in with "Day 1" of my trip report. But I just can't seem to get inspired enough to do it. Did you ever make a trip home giddy with the anticipation of seeing everyone only to discover that no one really missed you? I know, I know, "whine! whine! whine!" At least the trip itself was good.
I'll just have to say 'I love you' in a song. There aren't words enough to describe how much this weekend has meant to me, and even if there were, I doubt my battery would hold up long enough here at the KC airport for me to write them all. Instead, I'll just share lyrics from a song that made me cry on the flight from Denver to here-they apply to everyone I encountered or re-encountered on my trip. (And Toni, I apologize in advance for using a cheesy show tune-I know they aren't your favorite. But this one is apropos, I promise.)
"For Good" from Wicked, the musical
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun.
Like a stream the meets a boulder halfway through the wood.
Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
Thanks to everyone who made this weekend so wonderful-and some of you I WILL see again at FRED 2008!!
But it's in the mountains instead...No cell phone or internet service from the "cabin" (it's a lot more comfy than what I'm used to), so let me just say I'm having a great time. Last week I started second-guessing myself and feeling like I had no right to take this trip, to take so much time off from work, and to leave my kids for this many days...But no sooner did we start goofing off in Downtown Denver Friday morning than I realized that I was exactly where I needed to be. I still am. Expect a full-on travelogue when I get home.
My day so far...
I went to work arriving about 5 minutes later than I wanted because my printer didn't want to print up my "ticketless" airline ticket which I needed to check-in my luggage. Fortunately, just one other co-worker was there, and she is great at helping me get re-centered when I feel stressed. The work printer tried to tell me it was out of paper, but I convinced it otherwise and printed my "ticketless" ticket in no time. The assessors arrived and they were speaking my museum language. I sat there listening happily to them, not remembering briefly that I HAD TO LEAVE AND CATCH A PLANE. My flight was at 11:10, it didn't occur to me to get up until around 10. After an all-too-brief conversation with the collections half of the assessor team (who REALLY spoke my language), I raced off to the airport at 10:15. Yeah, I know-YIKES! The parking garage was full, but as the shuttle guy pulled right up to my car, I think it was actually faster that way. (There is about a 10 minute walk to the terminal from the garage.) Curbside check-in is back! Of course, my bag got the big yellow "LATE" tag and who knows if it will arrive with me in Denver, but security went quickly (some employees even smile there now) and the plane was still unloading passengers as I scooted into the back of the "A" line. (Thank GOD for online check-in!)
The flight was smooth and while I want to complain that I find the K City airport confusing, that you have to leave and go BACK through security every 5 gates or so, and that when you DO go back through security, they don't smile and they do things like dust my pretty new ballet flats for hazardous chemicals (as in, the unsmiling security guy held them up and proclaimed loudly "We're holding these shoes for TESTING!!"), and mention that it's good thing I decided to wear nylons rather than slap them on barefoot; I realize that I can't complain too much because this airport has FREE Wi-Fi, and for that; they are my new best friend (well between the Wi-Fi and the Advil for sale at the Newsstand). Especially since they gave me my shoes back. I'd say that it was OK to lose them since I have two more pairs packed, but they're in my luggage and well...who knows when I'll see that again.
But, I really can't complain. The flight went well. The Advil is working. The shoes still look good. AND I'm about three hours away from seeing some of my favorite people ever! I'm almost there, Ladies...
Almost ten years ago, Dave and I walked into our relatively new house with our three day-old daughter. The movies tend to show this as a happy time in the life of a married couple. Our experience was somewhat different. Her delivery had proved almost fatal for both she and I. We survived, but I remember that I had never felt worse or more clueless in my life. The next morning, we would get a call from Norman Regional Hospital. Thinking there was something we forgot to sign, we would answer the phone casually only to discover that it was the ER calling. That Dave's mom had suffered a stroke and needed him to come and sit with her until his Dad could be notified at work. While that stroke was mild, there would be a fatal one six weeks later. In the meantime, all our beautiful newborn baby would do was scream into the wee small hours, fail to latch on properly when nursing, and refuse all attempts to pacify her that didn't involve holding her and walking. In my hormonal state, I was SURE she just plain didn't like us. Nursing was going horribly, but it was also one of the few times I felt I could bond with her and I didn't want to give it up. As he watched his mother deteriorate, Dave grew more and more distant and unsympathetic. There were hard times in the house of Gregg. Few of my friends were married and none of them had children, and couldn't relate to my struggles (and frankly, I didn't want to burden them). I had never felt more lost and alone in my life. One of the few things Dave and I agreed on during those days was that we couldn't take another minute on AOL and we made the switch to MSN. It seems like a small thing, but it made all the difference.
One of the nice things about MSN (besides not getting a busy signal every time I dialed up) was that it had a whole host of list-serv groups on any topic you could possibly imagine. I began lurking on the breastfeeding list as well as the infants.toddler one. I was too shy to speak for several weeks, but I worshipped at the feet of June and Libby, the funny ones, and Jen; the breastfeeding guru. Their kids were each about 6 mos. older than mine and Libby's Molly had the middle name of Cathleen, which was also Natalie's middle name. There was also Erin whose little Amy had the same birthday as Natalie. There was Maria whose daughter was just older than mine* and Andie who had twins and a (gasp) grade school-aged son. There was also Amy and Lonnie and Ann and Keri and Sam who have since lost touch with us, but who I will never forget (and there was Zach, Candice, and Victoria's mom-does anyone remember her name?). I lurked for several weeks, too shy to speak in even such an anonymous forum, until Emily came along with baby Jacob and asked a few questions about breastfeeding that I felt like I could answer. When she lost a close family member so soon after becoming a mother; I really felt a bond with her. So, I started talking. I noticed that Sherrilee who I recognized from the LDS list was also active on the infant/toddler list. I worried that I should be careful about what I did and said so she wouldn't realize I wasn't perfect. (Sherrilee, if you're reading, know that I laugh very hard about that now.) Not long after that, I inadvertently sent an email intended for my friend John with all kinds of mild cussing and other personal info to the list. Were it not for June's sweet emailed appeal, I might have left the list for good. I'm glad I didn't.
Initially, I learned better ways to get Natalie to nurse and to increase my milk supply. I learned it was OK to be frustrated by her colic, Dave's attitude, and my mother. I learned I wasn't alone in the crazy-mother boat. And I wish I had been more open about my problems with Dave after his mother's death because it turns out I wasn't alone in that either. I got so many daily laughs from the antics of all the other kids and bragged shamelessly about my own baby who became perfect at just about the same time she started sleeping through the night. (Funny how that works.) I hated technology, but learned how to group posts by subject, reset the list when it got all messed up, and most importantly; how to properly scan pictures so I could show off my baby alongside all the other gorgeous little ones in our group. Eventually, I got up the nerve to visit the pregnancy/birth boards and met "Beachball Belly" a.k.a. Toni who I adored even though her little Jackson opted NOT to be born on my May 2 birthday, but to pick his own instead. (I still remember those gorgeous black and white pics you posted.) The next wave of babies brought us not only Toni, but also Cam, Jennifer S. (and Andrea and Terri who I also miss). Sadly, MSN eventually got rid of all those list-serv groups, but we were ready for the move and have called Yahoo home since then where we set up "The HenHouse."
Once we had our own little private group, we immediately talked of getting together. But many of us still had nursing babies, were pregnant, or anticipating another baby in the near future. Plus, Libby just couldn't imagine going on a trip without Doug. (I promise you said it, Lib. I've been dying to tease you about it for awhile now.) Erin even wrote a letter to Oprah to see if she could get us together. (Hey, you don't know if you don't ask.) Needless to say, The Queen of Daytime never sponsored us. Finally, Toni took the bull by the horns back in January and announced the first ever FRED. A girlfriend's get-together that anyone who knew and loved her could attend. It's not exactly a Henhouse reunion, but as 6 of us will be in attendance. It's a welcome start. Apparently, Toni's taste in friends rocks on all fronts because I can't wait to meet the other women who will also be attending. So, to those of you who are coming-I will SEE YOU SOON! And to those of you who aren't, we will miss you like crazy!! (Start saving for Fred 2008!!) I can't wait until tomorrow.
*Maria, I did NOT forget about you. I just lost track of the names I was adding to the list and thought I was done. That's it. I'm writing out rough drafts for posts from now on...
© Blogger template 'BrickedWall' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008
