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Another One Disappears!
Thanks to those few of you who read and responded to what I posted yesterday. At the time I hit "publish" it seemed like the right thing to do. This morning at 3:30 a.m., I was experiencing 'blogger's remorse' and saved it back to drafts instead. That way, it's not gone and everyone's kind comments aren't either. If you missed it, permit me to sum up:
I'm 35, I'm done having adventures, I have indeed missed out on some opportunities in my life that I will never get a 2nd chance to experience, I am married, committed to staying that way, and that's not always fun, and often life doesn't go the way I want it to. Rather than sit around dreaming of how things could change, I've decided just to accept those truths and deal with them. Dealing with them is kind of sucking for me right now. The End.
Now why couldn't I have put it that way yesterday?
5 comments:
No marriage is perfect.
Those who save their lives will lose them and those that lose their lives (to Christ) will save it.
Girl I am only 29 and I have learned one thing. NEVER regret anything that once made you smile because it somehow made you into the person you are now.
I have experienced exactly what you say... sorry I missed the post.. I'm sure I could identify with your words.
And I'm with Atomik Kitten.
No marriage is perfect ever.
I haven't been here in several days so I missed all of the comments on the post. I wonder what everyone else said. Bloglines was kind enough, however, to save the post itself for me, so I got to read the extended version of your current thoughts and feelings. As I read I thought "Amen, sister!" I relate to all of it. I feel just like that. I thought everyone felt like that. That's just normal life, right?
I wonder why traveling brings these feelings to the surface and makes us feel them so strongly. I spent a few hours this morning walking around Georgetown and thinking about how stupid and pointless my life is. I've been depressed the whole time we've been in Washington. Getting out of my complacent life (aka usual rut) and seeing all of the things I could have achieved if I hadn't made such poor choices for the last 18 years has me feeling blue blue blue. People will no doubt tell me that the people I'm seeing here have just as many problems as I do, aren't necessarily always happy, blah blah blah, and I KNOW that. It doesn't matter. It's not about coveting someone else's life, or even comparing myself with someone else -- it's about regretting things I didn't do back when I had the chance. Things that would have been a lot better -- in so many ways -- than the alternatives I chose. It has nothing to do with wanting a perfect life or even thinking such a thing is possible.
I'll stop talking about myself now, as I'm starting to sound like a self-absorbed cocktail party bore. I totally understand how you feel. If I find a cure for it I'll let you know, because I doubt either one of us wants to live through 50 more years of this.
I must have my grumpy-pants on tonight, because I feel compelled to disagree with the optimism expressed by the previous commenters on the subject of marriage. This seems a lot closer to the truth: No matter how low you set your expectations, marriage will disappoint. I have a great book, one that helped me a lot in the past, that basically says that a marriage is good enough to keep if there is one activity the couple enjoys doing together. One thing! Sets the bar pretty low, doesn't it? It was written by a trained and highly-educated professional who has done a lot of individual and couples counseling, so she probably knows more than I do, and she's admitting that marriage is something that can be considered a success if it works well for an hour a week. Forget all of the nonsense about soul mates (I've never believed in that) and best friends and two people acting as one -- a spouse is a person you're legally married to who has at least one hobby or habit or weekly activity in common with yours. I guess the people who enjoy doing two or three or many things with their spouses are just extra lucky. I wonder if they get extra credit for going a whole day without having an argument.
On the bright side, I don't believe you're done having adventures. You're just taking a little break from them while you raise your kids. When the kids are older -- maybe even grown -- there will be adventures. In fact, if it doesn't happen before then I'll take you to Italy the day Elisa turns 18 to celebrate all of your kids being legal adults. We'll be matronly then, and we won't have to worry about being leered at by Italian men.
I wish I could see the original post :( And I wish you didn't feel like you were done having adventures. I don't ever plan to be, and the happiest, healthiest people I know probably never will be. Marriage and having a family just means a different kind of adventures is all.
I agree with the other posters that marriage will never be perfect, and is sometimes hard, and involves work.
But I also believe that the good and fun and love and enjoyment of marriage should at least outweigh the work and the hard of it. If it doesn't, then it's very natural to question what can be done to change that, and if nothing can, then what?
I'm behind on my blog reading, but my blog reader (thankfully) captured for me. We should talk some time . . . You know only kinda about my 2007 and probably nothing about what proceeded it.
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