First, I love you all. I love you all so much that in church I keep my mouth shut about politics. Not because I fear having an opposing opinion and not because I think my views are wrong. I keep my mouth shut because I love you all and respect your right to have a different opinion. Last summer, I was invited to give a talk in Sacrament meeting about free agency and the United States government. A left-leaning, registered Independent like me could have had a LOT of fun with that. Instead, I spoke about the Pilgrims, the founding fathers, and how their actions prepared our nation for The Restoration. I didn't do this because I was worried about what you all would think or because I feared disciplinary action on behalf of my local church leaders. I did it because I knew it was a subject on which we, as members of the church, were all of one mind and one heart. I kept my own opinions out of that talk because, even though they applied to the topic at hand, my remarks would have detracted from the sense of unity that I thought was the whole point of meeting together each Sunday. In other words, I chose my words out of love and respect and common ground just like they taught me to do in Methodist and Baptist Sunday School classes as a small child and again as a young adult in the MTC.
Even on my own personal blog, Facebook page, and Twitter account; I've been careful with my words. Again, not to win friends or approval, but because the older I get, the greater my capacity for love and patience and tolerance becomes. A lot of people whose hearts and testmonies that I love and treasure have become readers, friends, and followers of these mediums and while they are my personal platforms in a sense, they are also my means of communication with people I don't get to talk with as often as I would like to in person, and I take that seriously before I hit the 'post' or 'publish' buttons. I have allowed for some of my personal opinions to enter in expressed in a manner that is both appropriate and kind and, for the most part, have been met with similar respectful responses even when I know my thoughts and opinions were different from those who replied to me. Many of these responses have come from LDS women throughout the United States. They gave me a false sense of security. A belief that I could be somewhat different politically and still belong in Zion. I was proven wrong about that today, and I am hurt.
What you women may or may not realize is, as an adult convert, all of you have been teaching me the gospel since the days I prepared to enter the waters of baptism. I have no mother, no sister, no aunt, and no grandmother to point me in the right direction when it comes to learning how to walk in the light and now to teach my children to do likewise. I have only those of you with whom I associate at church. (If you find that to be too much responsiblity, I'm sorry. Being the only sane person in my extended family is my cross to bear whether I like it or not as well. It's your role, deal with it and I'll try to remember you all are human too.) You have taught me not only within the walls of the church, but also when we go out together to have fun, when we chat in the nursing mother's room or at playdates at the Mall or the park (on the rare occasion my children and I are included in such things) what I learn about how to be a Latter-Day Saint woman, I learn from all of you whether you like it or not. When I learn good things, it inspires me to be a better woman, a better wife, and a better mother. When I learn bad things...I question whether all the sacrifices I made when I got baptized some 16 years ago were worth it. And today...today was bad.
My sisters, not all of us believe Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. I certainly don't see him as the messiah that some do, and the anguish I went through in the last several months while trying to decide which good man I wanted to see in the White House in 2009 was one of the most difficult dilemmas I have ever faced as an adult. As good members of the church, many of you have never faced some of the ugliness that I have and I wish that were true for all of you rather than just the "many." My trials don't make me "better" than any of you, but they do give me a different perspective. As a young girl who fell victim to date rape, I took no comfort in Sarah Palin's wish to "counsel with rape victims" and encourage them not to terminate any pregnancies resulting from such an ordeal. I was fortunate enough in my experience (inasmuch as anyone can call what I went through "fortunate") not to have to make that decision. And while I do know that there are many brave women who do just that, And while I do like to think that I would have been one of them; I do not think that decision should have been made by anyone but me and me alone and I doubt a lovely chat with Gov. Palin would have done me one damn bit of good then or now. And so, those comments coupled with John McCain's finger quotes about the "health of the mother" were what finally gave me some resolution about how I would cast my ballot. Let me reiterate here that I love babies, I have many precious family members who came into our family through adoption including my own mother, and that I can think of almost no reason why I would ever have an abortion; but as a date rape victim and a domestic violence survivor-I have had quite enough of other people deciding what happens to my body at its most personal and vulnerable levels and that I will always vote against those candidates who I perceive as a threat to women's reproductive rights. And I know that because most of you grew up with the gospel, kept yourself out of dangerous situations, and saved yourself for your temple marriage; you have no way of relating to me at all on this issue. And all I can say to that is that I wish I was one of you.
But, if one thing has been made clear to me in the last 16 years, it is that while we may believe in the same gospel; I will never be one of you. And I got that message again loud and clear today. I came to church, as I always do, to partake of the Sacrament, renew my baptismal covenenants, and be uplifted. Instead I was subjected to phrases like "be prepared, the end is coming." "A government that can give you everything you need can also take away everything you own," and my own personal favorite "sleeper cell terrorist." And only the last one was a personal remark that could be excused as just someone blowing off steam out of frustration, the other two came from the visiting speakers and were actually spoken from the pulpit this morning. Along with many other "don't be afraid" messages. Well sisters, until this morning I wasn't afraid. But now, I am. If I have to be straight-ticket voting Republican who has no love, patience, tolerance, or understanding for anyone who thinks differently, sees things differently, or does things differently before I can enjoy a Sacrament meeting or a Relief Society lesson again; then I can promise you that that will never happen. As we often say, sometimes the only thing people learn about our church is what they see from watching us. And right now, we aren't teaching very good lessons. I'm coming back next Sunday because I still have a testimony of those basic things the missionaries taught my family in 1985, and again to me in 1992. I have the love and respect of many Young Women throughout the stake as a result of my calling, and no desire to hurt or confuse them by going inactive. But I'm not sure how many more Sundays like this I will be strong enough to endure. The election is over and some of us are actually happy about its outcome. So, let's leave our politics at the door and get back to the business of uplifiting and edifying each other. I've still got a lot to learn from all of you, and enough love left in my heart to move past this. I've worked hard throughout this election not to step on your toes, will you please stop stomping on mine?
Sincerely,
Sister G
P.S. At least there was no gloating over Prop 8. Thank you very much for that. (Or does that start next week?)
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