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Channeling My Inner Osmond
And I sure wish that meant singing about being "A Little Bit Country," losing weight on Nutrisystem, or competing on Dancing with the Stars. Instead, Marie once wrote this about being depressed:
"You shut down. You feel like you are in a void. You are in the back of your head somewhere and you want to close your eyes and go away."
Between the trouble with Tristan at school, a job that requires me to spend most of the day on my feet in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy in an un-airconditioned building, a house whose mess seems to spiral out of control despite my efforts to try and reclaim it, three other demanding kids, and a husband who doesn't feel the need to listen or validate my concerns about everything in my life spinning out of control (much less to do anything to help around the house); I feel like Ms. Osmond describes above most days, most of the time. And I haven't even given birth yet.
No worries, I have no credit cards to give to a sitter, no California highway to drive, and no other options that would enable me to run away from home any time soon. Some acknowledgement that I'm having a tough time, a little break from being on my feet constantly, and some sign of willingness from the kids' school to meet me halfway (or even just an acknowledgement of everything I did before I dared to stand up for my kid and become one of "those" mothers) would be nice. But (says Eeyore) my lesson for 2009 really seems to be that "no good deed goes unpunished," so I'm not holding my breath and I'm not expecting a rescue. Basically, I will be worked to death until the end of the fiscal year, have to improvise child care and rides to and from the kids' various activities all through June; get unceremoniously dumped from the payroll at work July 1, and try at 9 mos. pregnant to pull myself and my house together at the last minute before having the baby.
It's not that dissimilar from what I went through when Elisa was born 5 years ago, though graduate school can be substituted in for the job. And while I hate to post pity parties, I can't help but excuse myself from feeling overwhelmed just by proofing what I've written here.
7 comments:
Sorry, Melessa! If it will make you feel any better, I put my kids in the car half naked and dropped them off at young men last night because I couldn't take it anymore. They started running away from me all around the outside of the church (and inside) but at least Carl got to leave early with them and I got to leave ALONE.
Thanks Christy and GOOD FOR YOU for doing that!
what can i do to help? let me know!
eliz mcp
Elizabeth-If I knew I would tell you. Make Tristan's teacher not hate me maybe? Yeah, I know. I did that one to myself.
No! SHE did it to HERSELF!!!!!
Love,
Jen
Melessa--
Four more days of school and then you never have to talk to her again. Just ignore his teacher and be done with it. Don't correspond with her. She is probably just as spent as you are and would welcome a "ceasefire" (not that you are firing, but you catch my drift. right?)
Quit tomorrow. You deserve it. I know you love your job (mostly), but wouldn't a little bit of sanity before the baby arrives be worth the month's salary and headache of scheduling rides for all of June. I bet your coworkers will even understand. You are huge pregnant.
And who cares about your house? They will live on cold cereal and hot pockets for a few months. If they need clean laundry, I bet someone can figure it out.
Do what you can do and say the heck with the rest.
(Of course, feel free to use all my advice as fodder to help you justify to yourself and/or others to stay doing what you are doing if that is what you want/need to do.)
I agree with Tiffany - I know you love your job, but you need to love yourself even more, and right now you need a break. I realize this is basically the pot calling the kettle black, because I've been ruled by ridiculous and undeserved loyalty to my job for too long, so do what I say and not what I do (I'm hoping you'll set a good example for me, because I can surely use one). I know you're usually Wonder Woman and manage to juggle much more than I ever could, but being a bit older during this pregnancy earns you the right to take it easier - you don't have to do everything you did when you were pregnant in your 20s (please remind me of this advice when I am pregnant and 38 or 39).
I realize from your follow-up post that I'm late to the party and you've already made your plan for treating yourself better, so consider this validation that you're doing the right thing and you shouldn't feel even a tiny bit apologetic.
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