Why?

I have absolutely adored the place that Elisa has attended pre-school for the last year. It has been an answer to many prayers, a convenience during after school PTA meetings and piano lessons, and it was my joy to call it "ours" after having so many negative experiences through the Tristan years. However, it has been my mother's pleasure to pay for it because my job would never cover its tuition. Because I remember Aunt M and Grandmother Mac writing the checks for my pre-school classes and ballet lessons, letting MeMe foot the bill has bothered me less than you might think. I kind of see it as her way of paying it forward. Not that I demanded it or expected it, but it has been nice.

This year, Elisa is old enough for the public school Pre-K program. That means mom will no longer pay for pre-school. That has always been the deal and I've always abided by it. (Natalie got extra years because neither Tristan nor Caroline attended pre-school.) Not only is that fair, but I love the Pre-K teachers at the kids' school and both of them were Tristan and Caroline's teachers which makes putting Elisa in that class that much more appealing. She has looked forward to it and talked about it all summer. Unfortunately, it's only a half-day program, but two of my friends whose kids have been faithful passengers in my carpool for the last year or two had enrolled their children as well. So, Elisa was going to leave after the morning session with them and be cared for by their shared caregiver (whose kids also ride in my car) until I brought the older kids home and picked her up after school. This made it possible for me to keep my job, continue driving the car pool, AND the other parents involved liked being able to help me out because I've driven that car pool without compensation for two years and counting.

Last spring, we explained that all three kids needed to be together. I thought that three years of PTA service might hold SOME sway with that request. Apparently not. The other two kids got into the morning class, and Elisa didn't. There is no one I can leave her with that can drop her off at 12:30, and my car is already at capacity for after-school pick up. It's stupid, but I feel really betrayed by everyone I trusted to make this happen over the summer. I feel like three years of service to a very under served school, and two years of a very full carload of kids was all for nothing. I never asked for a lot of attention or credit as PTA President (and, believe me, I got none), I have NEVER asked for special favors my kids at school except for this one thing; and I have never taken money from anyone whose kid needed a ride home if there was a seat in my car for them-so why am I always the one who gets screwed when I trust in 'the grand eternal scheme of things' that everything will work out for the best? Why?

Now, I really am screwed. I can't afford private pre-school on Dave's and my combined salary. (Not to mention, I withdrew her from it yesterday which sends us straight back to the waiting list.) Elisa has her little heart set on going to school with her brother and sisters and this is the only year it could happen for all four of them. I am mid-project at work and refuse to abandon something that seems to have been set up and abandoned at least three times previously. (Not to mention, I love my job.) There is no one available here who can drop her off at the afternoon Pre-K start time and I'm out of seats in the car at pick-up time unless I kick someone out of the carpool, which I don't have the heart to do. (Nor should I have had to do had anyone listened to a simple request at the end of the last school year.) No place to leave 4 year-old during 6 hour work day=Me.so.screwed. You know, I've spent most of my adult life doing things for other people without ever asking for anything in return and while I don't regret that for a minute, I did think that I had stored a little more good karma than what I've experienced in the last 24 hours. But I guess I was wrong.