Sunday Shout-Outs

 To replace the 'Week in Review', I think I am going to sum up each week with a series of short 'shout-outs' to anything that caught my attention enough that I fee the need to mention it. I have no idea what these lists will look like each week or if I will even remember to update it weekly-if we're being honest. But here is my first try:

To Jerry Falwell Jr: Dude, stop talking to the media, reframing your narrative, and digging yourself in deeper with each updated statement. Seriously, you are not making it any better and I get more embarrassed for you each time you do it. Embrace your 'retirement' and move on. Please!

To Becky Falwell: I saw the Italian and I am jealous. You go girl! (Or whatever the kids are saying these days).

To the Dude who broke into the museum late Wednesday night: I hope the tiny amount you got from the cash register was not worth the ridiculous amount of time your spent walking around the office trying to find a place to break in. Hint: We released the most visible footage of you for ID purposes (and because I really needed to local media to know you were Caucasian). But it certainly was not all of the footage we that our cameras collected and that we gave to the police. They may not be too worried since the amount of cash in the register was "marginal", but it was also all of the cash we had earned for the month, so it doesn't feel "marginal" to us.

To my Masonic family who made sure I wasn't left hanging out by myself while waiting for a window replacement: I'm not at all surprised that you came through for me, but I am incredibly grateful. Thank you!

To my three BFF's: You know it's a bad week when your workplace gets broken into and robbed and your story is still the 4th "worst thing" to happen to the four of us in the month of August. I'm glad we wound up in an "accidental group chat" last night. I love you all!

To William Zabka and Ralph Macchio: Thank you both for Cobra Kai! (On Netflix now-for those who are interested). As much as I love 80's movies, I've always felt a little sheepish about the lack of nuance our generation brought to the big screen. Now both of you (and the rest of the cast) are killing it on a Netflix series. And while I only discovered it yesterday, I am here for it! (If only you can ever start filming again...)

To 2020: You suck. But I pray to survive you and come out on the other side just so I can say that I did.

Another Slice of My Life

This has been a really stressful time at work. Over the last two weeks we've had to put out annual campaign letters, write an important grant, and learn a new financial system while also making sure we stick to our budget down to the last penny because everything slows down in the summer. So, I submitted the grant on Tuesday, handed my first financial report over to the accounting firm on Wednesday, and was looking forward to a less stressful day when I got up this morning.

So, of course, the baby woke up with a low-grade fever. Not that I took her temperature to verify it-with 5 kids I'm not sure we still even own a functioning thermometer. But I'm a mom of 5 and I know a fever, right? So I resolved to take her to work with me and texted her home daycare provider to let her know. Then, I dropped the 8th grader off for her early morning biology class (a program called "zero hour" that lets 8th graders take a high school class before the actual start of school) and the two younger girls at elementary school. This left me with the 2 year-old and the 6th grader who usually goes with me to drop his little sister off since he prefers not to  hang around outside the school while his older sister is in class-except on Tuesdays when there is also 6th grade choir practice. But today, of course, is Thursday.

Since we weren't dropping off his sister, we decided to go back home so I could unload the dishwasher and start the washing machine and do some other general cleaning before he had to be at school. I texted my co-workers to warn them of my tardy arrival with a two year-old in tow and then the boy and I did some clean up around the house. About 15 minutes after we arrived, the phone rang. It was the elementary school informing me that my 9 year-old's cap had come off of her baby tooth and was bleeding. So, I rounded everyone up, dropped the boy off at middle school, and picked up the 9 year-old. The school health aide said she had packed Caroline's mouth with gauze and that the cap was in a baggie, Caroline waved the bloody thing in my direction and I nodded at it briefly before I told her to put it away without further examination. I texted husband (who had also been called) to let him now I had her with me. I texted my co-workers to let them know I had no clue what was happening for the rest of the day.

Then, my husband and I took turns playing phone tag with the dentist office and each other. In the meantime, my daycare provider texted me to ask what Alexis' temperature was. I am new to this home daycare and I love it! (She lets the kids wear cloth diapers and takes them to Monday morning story time at the library-among other pluses). I didn't want to admit to her that we didn't have a working thermometer in the house. I also had no clue what was going on with the dentist office yet. So...I took the feverish kid and the bleeding kid to Wal Mart because I am awesome like that.

We bought a new thermometer. We bought new toothbrushes for EVERYONE. We bought a second set of sponge rollers so the girls will no longer fight about who gets to have their hair rolled up on Saturday night before church on Sunday. We bought ingredients for tonight's dinner. And at some point, Dave called to fill me in on the dental drama that had unfolded while we shopped:

First, he was informed that the dentist we used had left their practice for another one and our insurance no longer covered the remaining dentists. So, he called the new office where he was informed that while our dentist had re-located there and that they took our insurance; it would be at least 24 hours before they could see her because they would have to process our "new patient" paperwork. And finally, the former dentist's office agreed to see her in this emergency. But only if we paid out of pocket. Neither one of us liked the thought of her running around with her cap off and a gaping hole in her jaw (it's a pretty serious cap because it was a pretty serious cavity), so we went with that plan. And agreed that we pretty much hated all dentists.

I paid for my groceries and had just enough time to drive them home before I was to meet Dave at the dentist office, leave the girls with him, and go do my job for three hours because he had just finished three hours at his. I stuck the perishables in the fridge, left the rest on the counter, and out of curiosity grabbed the new thermometer to check Alexis' temperature. AND IT WAS 98.6. Because I am not as good and instinctive with knowing when my kid has a fever as I think I am. (She still felt warm to me, though. But I took it three times. Basically, I am an idiot.) Then, en route to the dentist, Caroline popped the gauze out of her mouth and asked me about the tooth fairy visiting tonight. I explained to her that her baby tooth still wasn't ready to come out and that we would be getting her a new cap for it just like the one that fell out. And that's when she said: "But Mom, the rest of my baby tooth fell out WITH my cap. See? It's in this baggie." And, when I got to the dentist's parking lot and took a much closer look at it, indeed it was. And when I checked her gauze-free jaw, I saw that not only was the entire tooth gone, but that the adult molar was growing in already. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE USEFUL INFORMATION AN HOUR AGO.

At about that point, Dave pulled into the dentist parking lot. He took Caroline in briefly to ascertain that their services were no longer required and then moved the girls to his car. Caroline was headed back to school (to her chagrin) and Alexis was going to stay home because even without a fever she was cranky and clingy. A further examination of her jaw revealed that she is cutting her 2 year molars Not unlike the one in the baggie in her big sister's backpack. Did I mention I bought new toothbrushes today?

Needless to say, Dave and I had a good laugh, vowed to always look more closely at the icky baggies the school nurse sends home, and agreed that the biggest reason we believe in God is because we couldn't make this stuff up if we tried.

And then I went to work and spent my three hours preparing as much of next month's financial report as I could and double-checking my next round of grant deadlines. JUST. IN.CASE

The End.

Thursday Thirteen

Apparently, I pinched a nerve in my elbow this morning. As I've mentioned here many times before, neither my right nor my left hand is dominant. It's called Gerstmann's syndrome. All it's really meant in my life is that I'm hopelessly uncoordinated, have terrible handwriting skills, and a somewhat diminished capacity for spatial reasoning. It also took me forever to learn to drive. It also means that I do some tasks with my right hand and others with my left. Switching back and forth between the two has always been unconscious on my part, and the way I used to pass my pencil from right to left and back really used to frustrate my Kindergarten and 1st grade teachers. (And, in case you are curious, Elisa is the only child of the five who seems to have the same issue.)

Anyway, because I get searing pain in my upper arm and tingling in my fingers each time I extend my left elbow; I've been trying to use my right hand for everything today. Unfortunately, I haven't been doing a very good job with that. Based on the many times today I've inadvertently caused myself pain today, I've compiled a list of 13 things that I clearly do with my left hand:

1. Buckle my seatbelt.
2. Drive (I know we all start with two hands, but it turns out I default to my left. Ow!)
3. Button and zip my pants (and I've been trying to wear nicer slacks/capris to work since the Executive Director title became official), though apparently I unzip with the right. Who knew?
4. Open bottled water
5. Hold beverages
6. Gesture to items in the Farmhouse while teaching visiting kids.
7. Gesture to items in the Harn House while giving a tour.
8. Open/close doors
9. Lock/unlock historic buildings
10. Get the mail out of the mailbox while pulling into my driveway.
11. Dial my cell phone.
12. Carry heavier objects.
13. Eat

Needless to say, I hope it feels better soon. Unfortunately, Dr. Google hasn't provided me with a very good prognosis. SO unfair to have 'tennis elbow' when I don't play.

I'm Not Really Mental

I'm just frustrated. And I'm better now. There was no school which meant no after-school activities today and I earned myself some comp time while I helped some Tiger Cubs earn a merit badge at work this morning. I had a nice time by myself at Penn Square (I was already in the neighborhood, right?) and I even have some gift card money left. (I'm thrifty, what can I say?) Amazingly, I have NO meetings tomorrow outside of regular working hours (and the one meeting I do have scheduled at work for tomorrow is one that I'm happy about). On Wednesdays, I only have one drop-off after school. And Thursdays are my free night. So, had I stopped to put things into perspective yesterday; I might have handled my day with a bit more dignity and grace. Maybe. It was a pretty bad day yesterday. I'm glad today was better.

Failure to Thrive Round 3

Of my five children, three of them have been diagnosed with "failure to thrive" for slow weight gain. This happened with my oldest at 9 mos. and I had to bring her in for monthly weight checks until she was 18 months old. It happened with my son at 6 mos., but because he willingly took bottles of formula in addition to nursing (something NONE of my other babies would do, even when I wanted them to) the Dr. was satisfied by his 9 month check-up that the situation needed no further monitoring. Alexis made it through that first year only to get the diagnosis at her 15 month check-up last November. I haven't been too worried about it because my other two children have turned out fine, but she is such a picky eater that I am dreading the 18 month check-up that looms in about a month because our Dr. still manages to unnerve me at times, and I'm a fairly competent mother of 5.

And as if I weren't bothered enough already, reading one of the (too) many blogs that I follow has just upset me more. This mother gave birth to sextuplets on the same day Alexis was born. They were so premature that only two of them made it to their first birthday. (So reading all her posts about that during my postpartum days probably wasn't my best idea. And I do remember holding my healthy baby and feeling that much worse for her.) Anyway, today she posted about all her babies' accomplishments in 2010 and ended her update with their weights. I was horrified to realize that Alexis weighs only slightly more than the one who has weight gain issues and she weighs LESS than the other one. The preemie. Who weighed less than 2 lbs. at birth and who lived against some pretty discouraging odds. What am I doing wrong that would make my 7 lb. full-term healthy baby weigh no more than a preemie who may share her birthday but should technically be about four months younger? Developmentally Alexis is right on track. Verbally, she's advanced. But I guarantee you she won't have gained more than half a pound at that next check up IF she's gained even that since she's had a cold this past month.

How do you make a baby eat when she doesn't want to? (And not by giving her junk food like her father does because that makes me crazy too.) How do I make this Dr. believe I don't starve my kids? Why do I let this worry me? Oh yeah, because social workers get curious at the words "failure to thrive" and women with big families are often judged to be less capable and less attentive to their children's needs (which is ironic when you think about it, because mothering 5 kids requires a lot more skill, love, patience, and cleverness than I had when I was raising just 2 or even 3).

Don't be surprised if I delete this tomorrow. She's just been very difficult about her eating the past several days, and it's been an emotionally trying Christmas break for me and my family and I needed to get this out of my system.

At Least There's No Pending Blizzard?

The night before last, my phone rang at 3 a.m. It was my sister calling to tell me that my mom's youngest brother had died in his sleep and that mom was en route to his apartment to identify the body and talk to the police since my aunt, who had a fairly bad stroke a few years ago, was hard for them to understand.

Today, I went to pick up my kids from my mom's after work only to be greeted with the news that "Alexis just projectile puked all over Jonathan!" Jonathan being the oldest son of my recently deceased uncle who hadn't ever picked her up before in her last 16 months of life.

She has since done likewise to her dad and my couch and I know my turn is coming...I also know it will be a Christmas miracle if whatever virus she has doesn't get picked up by her four siblings. And it would seem that my family is running a little short on Christmas miracles this year.

So if you are coming here looking for uplifting stories packed with Christmas cheer, you might want to look elsewhere for the next few days.

(No, it wasn't Favorite Uncle Bob, it was his younger brother. Just because he wasn't my "favorite" doesn't mean that I'm not sad.)

Random Thoughts Wednesday

• I absolutely CANNOT wait for the new Harry Potter movie.
• But I can't see it opening weekend.
• Being a grown-up is no fun like that sometimes.
• I suppose I could see it since I'm only busy one night this weekend.
• But Natalie has performances on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and couldn't see it with me.
• Being a nice mom who is waiting for her daughter to be able to see the movie with her is no fun like that sometimes too.
• On a related note: COME ON THANKSGIVING BREAK
• On a semi-related note: While a lot of people that complain about Natalie missing certain activities when she has rehearsals and performances, not one of those complainers has EVER come to one of her shows and most haven't even heard her sing at all.
• So there.
• Not that this show would be a good time to start. She's part of an ensemble that only has about 10-15 minutes on stage.
• But it's still cool she was picked for it. It's an OU School of Music/School of Dance production and only a handful of kids in town are participating.
• Getting back to Thanksgiving...Dave volunteered us to make turducken for the family dinner.
• NO MORE FOOD NETWORK FOR HIM! ;)
• (And no more conversations between him and my mom that I'm not a part of either.)
• Seriously...eww! I'm not touching it except to help him prepare it.
• I'll make cranberry sauce instead. It turns out I'm really good at it.
• Had I known that about myself, I would have quit opening cans of it years ago.
• I really miss the fancy, dress-up Thanksgiving dinners that Aunt M used to hostess.
• I can't BELIEVE I just said that. Someone get a time machine and tell 12 year-old me that I'm really going to miss those someday.
• I think what I miss most about them isn't the food or decor, though. I think it's Uncle Johnny.
• I had always thought I would do more with my husband's family than with mine for the holidays. The last thing I imagined myself doing as an adult was interacting with my mother any more than was absolutely necessary. And I adored his mama like I've rarely let myself adore anyone.
• Life happens. Or, more to the point, it ends unexpectedly. Or both. And we spend the rest of our lives dealing with the fallout. 
• (And giving up getting on the good side people who never wanted you in their family to begin with because you will only get your heart broken and not have the $$ to reclaim your maiden name any place except for Facebook. But at least you know for once and for good that nothing you did was ever going to make them like you.)
• I miss my husband's mother. I hate that my children will never know her and only have MY mom as a grandma.
• At least they have my grandma too.
• And I'm glad that in the vast eternal scheme of things, people really do reap what they sow.
• Can I go see the new Harry Potter movie yet?
• Can I stop teaching Tuesday-Friday each and every week?
• Not yet...
• COME ON THANKSGIVING BREAK!!

Note to Self:

Did you know that when you send a message to several of your friends on Facebook that one of those friends might not realize it wasn't pjust just personal correspondence between just that two of you and that she might reply to you (AND everyone else) with all manner of embarrassing but funny TMI about both of you that not everyone you sent the original message to needs to read? Well, if you didn't know before, you do now. And also, you can't delete said message OR said reply out of anyone's Inbox once you've sent it either. Consider yourself warned...I sure wish I had been. This has been this month's public service announcement for the technologically impaired. Doh!

(It's OK, Chris. I really do still love you. And I also haven't stopped laughing yet. I hope you are still laughing too.)

Cruel Summer

It is the end of July. Usually at this time I am mourning the end of summer and making a desperate effort to cram in those last-minute things we haven't done yet. I hate to admit it, but this year I'm kind of glad. Getting anything done with 5 kids has been like swimming through Jello without all the cool body-conditioning/calorie-burning that would come from actually doing such a thing. In other words, this summer has been kind of a letdown and I'm glad it's almost over, which I have never said before since the oldest of my kids started school.

First of all, there is my lack of progress with the house. No matter how hard I try, I am not driven by the same crazed hormonal nesting instinct that I was this time last year to GET THIS HOUSE CLEAN BEFORE THE BABY COMES. And now the baby contributes to the mess considerably too. I keep thinking I will get control at SOME point before Fall comes, but I'm not so sure now. There have been improvements, but I want a clean, de-cluttered, organized house NOW and it doesn't work that way, does it?

And then there's the big 'elephant in the room' where this blog is concerned. It doesn't help that I started the summer by learning that there are people in this world who really and truly dislike me. ME?! Quiet, unassuming, self-esteemless little me for no concrete reason at all. I am somewhat comforted by the people in my life who do know me that had to scratch their heads when they read my Comments section, and asked "Has this person even MET you? Because it sure doesn't sound like it." But still, the "pleaser" in me cringes at the thought of someone not liking me, and cringes that much more when she realizes that there is NO WAY to fix it. And since Jesus told us to pray FOR our enemies rather than wishing for the speedy downfall, all I can do is just live with the knowledge that people don't like me and that I can't fix it. And those of you who know me can only imagine how much this has hurt all summer. And those of you unfortunate enough to know me and live nearby have also had to hear about it, for which I say "I'm sorry" and I wish I could post some of you better comments here, but I fail to see how that would improve the situation, even if it would be very funny.

However, my husband was grateful for black and white proof to send to his mom's side of the family that showed definitively "No, it's not Melessa's imagination, look how mean they are to her." Not that it really improves things here since most of them live out-of-state, but it was nice to be told by one of them that she loves my blog, that I'm a good writer and that 'if David gets the occasional beating here, he probably deserves it since he doesn't have a Mama around anymore to set him straight." And oh how good that mama of his was at keeping him in line. But, I try not to let myself remember those days anymore. It hurts too much in the light of knowing that they are gone forever. At least Dave's Mama loved me, if no one else in his family ever will. And Dave says that's the only person's opinion that should matter as far as he's concerned. Then again, his Mama loved EVERYONE. So maybe I'm still not all that special.

Still, feeling like you house is only two steps away from total chaos is overwhelming. Losing your last shred of hope that a situation you had always believed would improve is discouraging. Knowing there are people that you've generally had a good opinion of for the last several years were just looking for a reason to alienate you and your children? Well, that isn't very fun either. Throw that in with no Internet for the summer, a 12 year-old who has discovered 'attitude,' a teething, nursing baby who still doesn't sleep through the night, a 6 year-old and an 8 year-old who fight like the Hatfields and McCoys; and you've got one mama who is very ready for school to start, and very grateful for the potential of part-time employment at the ol' Homestead. (Yes, really.) At least the Percy Jackson books have been fun. "Richer than I, you never can be. For I have a mother who reads to me." Or something like that...

(This isn't a pity party looking for pats on the back, so Comments will be turned off for this entry. Negative comments about this post that show up on other posts will be sent to my husband who will promptly forward them to his mom's family again. They weren't too impressed with the last batch, even if they do continue to be kind because they are good people.)

Why I Still Need a Blog

I started to write a Facebook update a few minutes ago. It was really a futile attempt because it was directed at someone who 'unfriended' me and will never see it anyway. Usually, these little rejections make me want to curl up in a ball and sob over how unlikeable I am. But today, I didn't feel that way. Instead, this is how I reacted and this what I wrote (and would have posted if I hadn't gone so far over the character limit):

I have decided that I am done over-thinking why people do or don't approve of me. They either like me or they don't and it's their problem not mine. I am raising 5 beautiful, brilliant children. I volunteer my time and money for as many worthy causes as I can support. I try not to swear in traffic, I try to hold doors and elevators for people, and I always let someone with fewer items than me go first in the check-out line. I'm not perfect, but I get up and try to be my best all day long. I can't think of anything I've done to hurt anyone deliberately and I'm done losing sleep over why so and so doesn't want to talk to me/remain my friend on Facebook/etc...I work too hard and give too much of myself in every aspect of my life to let their actions or their blatant disapproval hurt me anymore.

And you know what? I meant every word of that.

One in Every Crowd

This weekend was the Sooner Theatre Showcase. The kids anticipate their big moment in the spotlight for the eight months they spend in class and parents see it as their pay-off for all the pick-ups, drop-offs, and losing their seats in the lobby while waiting on classes to be over because they politely get up to take a phone call and some rude-ass intellectual wannabe plops himself into it the minute you do that. (Oh wait, maybe that was just me that happened to...) The kids were wonderful, as expected. I was particularly pleased with Tristan's performance. I knew he could sing, but it turns out he can really dance too. Being somewhat of a sap, the end of each kids' performance brought happy tears to my eyes. I was wiping them away when I overheard this:

"I feel so sorry for those boys who get stuck in an all-girl class because their mom wants to see them onstage. That poor kid is probably going to grow up and be gay."

I SO wish I was exaggerating or kidding. The good news was I didn't recognize the woman who made the comment so her kids and mine must not have classes together. (Now I've cursed myself for next year, but anyway...) Another nearby mom must have seen the resemblence and, in an attempt to get her friend to make less of an ass of herself, asked me politely if that was my son who had just performed. I said it was and smiled nicely. Not because I was feeling particularly charitable, but because I wanted to have a good time watching the show. Ms. Tactless asked me if my son really liked being in the class. I said that he REALLY did. I smiled, the music for the next show queued, and I let it go. However, I kind of wish I had said at least one of the following:

1. All Broadway actors are gay you say? I've got two words for you: Hugh Jackman. (Mmm...Hugh...what was I writing about again?)
2. Did you note the rolled up cuffs on my son's jeans? They are too long and too big in a size 8 and he just turned 10. Thank goodness he would rather sing and dance than play football. He'd be killed.
3. So what if he is gay? (Though I think genetics would play a much stronger role in that than singing and dancing on stage. But that's just me.)

I'm glad I didn't engage in anything with her. It would have been, at best, a completely unproductive conversation. I am remided of the phrase "I refuse to have a battle of wills with an unarmed person." It also might have ruined what was otherwise a completely wonderful day. (Some of which Dave caught on video-consider yourselves warned...)

My Son and the Roller Coaster

My son has issues. At the age of 9 we know several things about him. We know he is not autistic. We know he does not have Asperger's. We know that his teachers don't think he is AD/HD, but possibly ADD (I have been questioning this more and more lately). While I do not envy parents of children with those issues, I have to admit that sometimes I envy their diagnoses and treatment plans. Seven years later, Dave and I are still 'winging it' with our son. And 'winging it' has never been my strong suit.

In no particular order, Tristan's issues include inappropriate anger, excessive crying, fear of pooping (yes...still, though we have good and bad cycles with it), struggles with disciplinary boundaries (beyond what is normal), and being a classic underachiever at school despite high test scores. I thought a new school and a younger teacher would bring out something better in him, but I was wrong. He cries about having no friends, yet he pushes, shoves, and lashes out at his classmates and seems to go out of his way to make himself unloveable. Having been to my fair share of parent/teacher conferences, I can always tell when one of his teachers is "done" with him. It took longer to wear her down than it has in the past, but I can tell that even this teacher who I liked and trusted so much more than most of them has finally had it with him. Part of me really doesn't blame her.

Dave has given up completely on disciplining him or trying to help me find out what's wrong. He allows him to play endless games on the DS or the computer because it keeps him quiet. So, the task of disciplining him falls to me. Over and over and over again. It makes me tired. I have a baby who still isn't sleeping completely through the night, I am already tired. Today in church I only had to order him back into his seat about 10 times, it was a personal triumph. Fortunately for Tristan, there is another boy who just moved in and forgot to take his AD/HD meds today. It made Tristan look very good for once. The bad news was it fell to me to sit with the AD/HD kid who pushed, shoved, and head-butted me repeatedly to see if I would react. I knew how to deal with it, because I am well-trained as a non-reactive parent. (And also, Tristan has never acted out THAT much so maybe his teachers are right to rule out AD/HD.) Sometimes it seems unfair to me that I get to deal with other people's difficult children at church when my house has one of its own. But I know others have to do likewise.

I love my son and I know he loves me. I am proud of his intelligence, his sense of humor, his fierce love and devotion to his mother; and his ability to keep his room clean (which his sisters do NOT). But I cringe at every exchange with his teacher (Thursday was incredibly bad), at his behavior at church and other public places, and at the way he smells when his big poop fear catches up with him at an inopportune moment. I hate that he never has friends, I both completely understand and completely resent the way other adults see him. I am scared that his classmates' pleasure in finding and pushing his buttons now will only lead to scarier things as he gets older. Part of me wants to keep him home and safe with me all day every day. Another part of me fears that if I can't teach him to cope with social situations now, it will only be worse as he gets older.  I am exhausted by raising him. I am enthralled by raising him. He is my son and we will ride this out together.

How I've Spent My Blogger Vacation

I didn't mean to go so long between posts, so I thought I would share some of the "fun" activities currently preventing me from blogging:

• Church and community service-At the moment, I am Norman Rainbow's Mother Advisor and 1st Counselor in the Primary Presidency. Norman Lodge just hosted an official visit and Natalie's initiation was part of that. There were also a few planning meetings in there too.
• 3D Movies: Also part of the Norman Lodge festivities was a night at The Warren seeing Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I've never seen a 3D movie before and I loved it (both the movie and the experience).
• Being offline. Our Internet is a line-of-sight account on campus. We've had paperless billing with them for so long that I no longer remember their company name or phone number. When the service goes out, I just have to wait for them to fix it since I can't call and complain. I fear the day they go out of business and don't tell me because I likely won't know it's happened for a week or so. On the plus side, I got to bed much earlier last night and accomplished much more this morning before Dave texted me to ask if it was up and running again and it was. For someone as Internet-addicted as I am, it turns out I didn't miss it all that much. Not that I'm crazy enough to cancel it anytime soon. And that's good since I don't know who to call anyway. ;) 
• Apparently, Dave knows who to call. He is reading this over my shoulder and told me that. I suppose I should ask him. But I very much enjoyed telling the kids truthfully yesterday that it was broken and I didn't know who to call about it. They did their homework and played games. It was awesome!
• Introducing Alexis to solids. She likes them well-enough, but she takes about 30 minutes to consume one small dish of baby food and does this as messily as possible.
• Dealing with endless calls and emails from Tristan's teacher. Apparently, he wants her to really earn her spring break this year and he wants to be grounded for all of his. I will likely be posting at length about this if I get some time. I left the school in tears today and so did Tristan. Sigh.
• Trying to get Alexis to sleep in her crib all night. Solid foods are going MUCH better. Yawn.
• Taking kids to the dentist. Hard, un-flouridated water has NOT been kind to our teeth, the kids' teeth in particular. Also, Caroline's thumb-sucking habit turned out to be just as bad on her teeth as all the naysayers warned me it would be when she was a baby. So not only do I have to pay for the dental work, I get to listen to some rather annoying "I told you so's." We all know how much I LUV that.
• Trying, failing, and trying again to get the house clean so that we can get the roof replaced. We are finally giving up on being 100% ready before we start getting the estimates because this project needs to get started ASAP. If it doesn't rain this weekend, Dave and I are tackling the garage, yard, and sheds (Yes, that's a purposeful plural. The house came with two.) It's almost enough to make me pray for rain. But then that's no good on our leaky roof.
• Trying to implement some 'greener' lifestyle habits. I've already written about the clotheslines and cloth diapers and today I unearthed our recycling bin in the mud room. (Our service is outside city limits and doesn't qualify for the city recycling service, and I let it slide while hugely pregnant. I think I can handle taking it into town and sorting it again.)
• Falling in love with the new Parenthood TV series. I loved the original movie so much, I had my doubts. But it's great to have Lauren Graham back on Tuesday nights AND see another couple struggling with their son-even if they are just pretending.
• Being too annoyed/irritated to blog. Believe it or not, I'm trying to blog with a better attitude. Rather than improving the quality of my posts though, it just seems to limit their frequency. In a nutshell, I still don't like to be told what to do, to be judged by people who've never bothered to get to know me, or shopping and/or driving in traffic with idiots. Do that math and see how many times a day I get grouchy and my lack of posts makes a lot more sense.

Hopefully I'll write something better soon!

Friday Flashback

I'm posting this now in case we don't have power tomorrow. The ice storm is rolling in as predicted even as I sit here typing this. I'm hoping for the best since we have plans to take Caroline to Dallas for her birthday on Saturday, but also spent yesterday and Tuesday picking up bottled water and toilet paper *just in case*. Either way, I hope it doesn't end up like the ice storm of 2007. In case you've forgotten that one, here are some pictures of my parents' house buried in trees to refresh your memory:

Yet Another Blogger Watching the News and Feeling Powerless

So...today's post is going to be on the sad side. Sometimes I think that I shouldn't watch the news because I am super-sensitive and take things very badly, even when they are completely unrelated to me and my situation. Needless to say, I really am haunted by the news coming from Haiti. I am not a millionaire and I am not a health care professional and it makes me feel pretty limited as far as how I can help improve the situation which sounds like it's not going to stabilize any time soon. However, maybe if a lot of us do small things, eventually something big (and wonderful) will happen. After finding lots of suggestions all over the Internet as to what people can do to help, I'm going to stick to two standbys for my suggestions:

Red Cross and Partners In Health

Edited to add that if you live locally, Confections for a Cause is donating their proceeds to Red Cross as well. I know some of the women behind this group personally and have sampled some of the confections so I can endorse this whole-heartedly as well.

I also saw this information on Facebook and I know the source to be very reliable, so I am going to re-post it here:

UPS is shipping anything under 50lbs for free to Haiti. You can send food clothes or shoes...and American Airlines is taking doctors and nurses to Haiti for free. Please call 212-697-9767 212-697-9767. Spread the word...Red Cross needs Creole speaking volunteers for a 24hr phone bank. Call Mr. Wilfrid @ 305-776-6900... 305-776-6900 ASAP!

And, if you are so inclined, send some prayers in the direction of one of my favorite bloggers' children. While they are here, their first families are still there. These children struggle on the best of days, I can't imagine how this news is affecting them.

Growing Pains

Natalie's birthday party was today and the real day is coming up on Tuesday. A plus is that her party was one of the easiest ones I've ever thrown. We went to The Warren for a movie and the party package included popcorn and drinks-that the girls could carry and fill by themselves. They could take themselves to the bathroom. They even knew how to behave themselves during the movie which is more than I can say about some of the adults in the theatre today. (The theatre ropes off seats for birthday parties, a lady tried to join us. The ushers dealt with it and, frankly, I was embarrassed for her and her big grown-up tantrum. So much so that I scooted everyone down and around and found her a seat. But I digress.) All I had to do was cut the cake after the party and make sure everyone went home with the right adult.

The flip side to this is that now that we are home tonight decorating our first "real" tree ever (our old tree had a broken base and so many broken lights that we decided to try this out). We have Rudolph-themed ornaments with the Rudolph special playing on TV. And Natalie wants no part in it whatsoever. She is upstairs slamming her door back and forth because her older cousin decided not to come over and because this is the first Christmas that she doesn't believe in Santa anymore and she just doesn't see the point. Which is too bad for her because I still love this show and I will ALWAYS believe in Santa, even though I am quite the Santa's helper each Christmas Eve. I am sad because I still remember so clearly the day all those Rudolph ornaments came in the mail and how my precious little firstborn squealed in delight at the sight of them as she helped me pull them out of the box. She couldn't have been more than a year old back then. And now, she hates everything and everyone including that STOOPID Rudolph show and Mom's STOOPID stuffed animal ornaments.

And that makes me want to cry. Sometimes, I wish those so-called experts on big families were right. One of the things they say is that moms like me keep having babies because we lose interest in our children as they grow older. Of course, it isn't true; but my life would be much easier now if it were. I knew the adolescent years wouldn't be easy, but I didn't know how much every eye roll and door slam would feel like a knife in my heart. At least she had a very good birthday party this afternoon and she usually still likes me. Sigh.

Half & Half

Things that are annoying me tonight:

• This really cold weather
• A dryer that still doesn't work the way it should (we replaced the heating element successfully, but now it needs a new thermostat too). Can I just tell you how much it stinks to have backed-up laundry with 5 kids?
• Being busy every night until Christmas (or so it seems)
• Whiny children
• Crowds at Wal-Mart
• A broken Christmas tree
• How cold and drafty this house gets in the winter

Things that are making me happy:

• Friday night=Pizza night
• Grocery shopping 95% done at a store OTHER than Wal-Mart
• Most of my Christmas shopping is done
• Alexis' baby excitement over Christmas lights and decorations (even if they are still in boxes all over the living room waiting for a place to be hung)
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on Blu-ray
• My kids' choir concerts last Tues. and Thurs.
• A visit from an old friend
• My electric blanket

I Know It's Old News, But I Can't Resist

When OU lost to BYU in the opening game of our season, I knew there would be someone the next day at church who would inevitably point out that the Sooners lost not because they were outplayed, but simply because not every OU player was a good, clean cut returned missionary like the players on the BYU team. I knew this statement would make my hair stand on end for many reasons. Among these were the following:

• I'm almost positive that not every single  BYU football player is LDS because I know for sure that not all of the students are. Why you would want to go there if you weren't LDS, I'm not sure. But people do. (I tried to verify this with a Google Search, but only found chat board speculation similar to mine.)
• Even IF all the players were LDS, not all LDS men serve missions. Notably, Steve Young didn't, though I hate to single him out like that when I have such respect for his wife. However, it's an effective example.
• No one is perfect be they LDS, returned missionary, Methodist, Atheist, or Buddhist, NO ONE.
• Even if you are as close to perfect as humanly possible, God is not going to hand you things on a silver platter. I hate it when I hear church teachers telling the youth that something didn't work out for them because they weren't "being good enough." We are not exempt from trials and our trials aren't predicated on our righteousness. To teach our youth that if they behave that they won't have problems is to shake their faith to its core when they do their best and bad things happen. I'd like to say that we have stopped doing this as a church, but I still hear it all too often. (Good luck to anyone who tries to teach it to MY children, though.)
• And finally, GOD DOESN'T FAVOR FOOTBALL TEAMS. He leaves that to us for our recreation.

And of course, someone did say it in church. Several others said it on Facebook. People unfriended me on Facebook over my reaction to such a ridiculous claim. While I have enjoyed visits to Salt Lake City and Provo through the years and certainly appreciate the heritage that comes from there, I do not understand the hero-worship some of our members here in Oklahoma ascribe to all things that come from the state of Utah; particularly the BYU Cougars. To them I say this: When I was baptized, I convenanted to follow the example of Jesus Christ, to mourn with those that mourn, to comfort those who need comfort, and to obey the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity. Not once throughout the missionary lessons or during my baptismal service did I agree to forsake my Sooners and root solely for BYU. (And that's good because it just might have been a deal-breaker.) And I also say that while I don't think winning is predicated on personal righteousness, I'm pretty sure I've never heard Sam Bradford say anything like this about ANY opponent.



I'm glad he apologized, he absolutely needed to regardless of how his family was treated a full year before he made those statements. I will admit seeing that gave me a great deal of smug satisfaction until I thought about how I would like to be judged by millions for something I said in the heat of the moment, and I didn't like that very much at all. Would anyone? Still, I hope everyone who took such glee in pointing out the Sooner's moral inferiority to the good ol' Y made a mental note to keep their judgemental mouths shut from now on. And, on that note, I would like to thank Sam Bradford for his awesome run at OU and for always being such a class act when it would be so easy, so allowable, and so human of him not to be. And  I also admit that I can't say that about everyone to have ever played for OU. The point of this post wasn't to paint either university or its players as "the good guys" and "the bad guys," it was simply to say in light of recent events I hope more people of my faith understand how dangerous it is to talk about how much more righteous and "worthy of victory" the BYU football team is. Or how much more righteous Latter Day Saints are when compared to other Christians for that matter. In fact, I think we should really cease and desist with comparisons completely because you can find the class acts, the bad sports, and the rule-breakers on ALL sides. It's dangerous to put ourselves or those that we think represent us on such high pedestals when all of us are human and therefore very prone to falling off of them. Let's forgive each other our trespasses and leave the Pharisees' attitude in the New Testament where it belongs, shall we? I'll try if you will...

Because No One Else is Going to Say it To Me

Dear Me,

I'm sorry that after a full week you are still suffering from some kind of respiratory crud that makes your throat hurt and your head throb. I'm sorry that you can't take any meds that alleviate the symptoms because you are nursing. I'm sorry your husband is only concerned enough to be annoyed that "you aren't better YET?!" because I know getting sick was a high priority on the to-do list that any mother of 5 might have in the month of December. What with three choir concerts for three different kids, a 12th birthday, and a little thing called Christmas looming; I'm sure not being able to breathe clearly was just the added detail you were hoping for to get through this month and how dare DH not understand that?

I'm sorry that with your lack of fever and or/infection that would be treatable by antibiotics, you have absolutely no comprehension of what it is that you might actually have or how long it will ultimately last. I'm sorry you are far more worried about giving it to your 4 month-old baby than any other human you might come into contact with, and that you might just be a little more worried/paranoid about that than most people after the "small cold" your older two children had one week in 2002 turned into full-blown RSV and pneumonia for their 5 week-old baby sister resulting in a 5-day hospital stay and lifelong asthma for her. (Caroline-for those of you who know the kids)

And finally, I'm sorry that this means that you may not be able to go to the 20th anniversary Rainbow/DeMolay/Job's Daughter Christmas dance in Guthrie. You've only been looking forward to it since July, spent more money than you should have on a cute dress to wear to it, and made plans for a nice weekend getaway with your husband (and nursing baby) surrounding it.

And while I'm on the subject, I'm sorry that your dryer is still broken and that your heater can't seem to get the house above 65 degrees today. It does indeed suck to be you today and you should take it easy and rest as much as you can in between having to get up at 6 a.m. to get everyone to school, and leaving the house again at 2:15 to get everyone picked up and deposited at various after-school activities 4 out of 5 days in the school week. And people wonder why you aren't well yet?

/RANT. I feel better now. Well...relatively. ;)

One More Time

For the record, I had a good Sunday today. For the record, I am grateful to be a part of Blanchard Branch. I am still active and participating at church and I still hold a temple recommend. All of the friends I know and love at church are still my friends, and the following message is directed at just a handful of people who I thought were "nice." As it turns out, they are not. I am just fed up with being on the receiving end of those who have held onto their inner "mean girl" since junior high. If we work so hard to teach our youth not to treat each other like this (and I know we do), why is it OK for the adult women, even the ones who are quite convinced that they do what they do to teach an irreverant gal like me "a lesson"? I maintain that it isn't and I address this post to those of you who 'think' you read my blog and pass around cut and pasted (and usually out-of-context) excerpts in "secret." And while I'm on the subject, I think the Book of Mormon was pretty clear in its opinion of those who pass around secret writings and try to undermine others. But maybe I just wasn't reading it correctly.

For those of you who have had trouble following all the posts that I put up and took down recently, this will be my last installment. (And just so you know, Google Reader keeps those posts and allows people to read with much more anonymity than people who click over here through Internet searches or other people's blogs. I have no idea who my Google subscribers are and don't know how or if I can find out. I have quite the thorough list of IP addresses for anyone else, though.) I hope to leave this one up because I hope the people to whom this is addressed will actually learn something from it. After this, I am done using this blog as the place to discuss the hurtful things that happen at church or at the hands of church members. From now on, I'm going to record said incidents and, no matter how trivial, report them to the proper priesthood authorities instead. The church seems very concerned with our convert retention numbers and wonders why they aren't higher. Right now, I find myself very much on the receiving end of exactly why those numbers aren't what the church would like them to be AND I find myself so completely fed up with the way a handful of people in the church treat each other in the name of  'being a righteous example,' that I will happily provide them with a list of my family's personal experiences with those charmingly "righteous" (or should I say SELF-RIGHTEOUS) saints that would have driven people less believing and less stubborn than I am right out of the church for good.

One of the things I enjoyed most about my most recent calling was getting to meet so many people throughout the stake (If you are late to this party, I was in the Stake YW Presidency, and recently the lone sister to be released from it because "God wants it this way." True or not, that is certainly not the thing to tell someone whose belief that God loves her and values her contribution is tenuous at best.) I didn't grow up in the church, I wasn't around back in the earlier days when most people attended church in the same place before the more convenient smaller branch buildings were constructed; and I finally felt like I knew more people than just the ones who have been in my ward since college. One of the things I feared most about being released from my calling was that I would have to go through the painful experience of finding out how many of those people were actually my friends, and who among them was just being nice to me because I had a stake calling. I once had a boyfriend in college who held a rather high-profile position in our social circle so I already endured that experience once when we broke up for good. As a sensitive, insecure person who is more convinced that people aren't going to like her once they get to know her than trusting that they will; I can't begin to tell you how badly that hurt. And now, I am experiencing it all over again.

Much to my hurt surprise, I learned that there are people gossiping about me AND my family and our worthiness to even belong to the church, much less hold "important" callings. (Yes, I do have enough real friends at church now that these things DO get back to me. Even as far away as my small branch.) And there were people at the various church Halloween get-togethers over the weekend whose behavior towards me and my family stunned me. Their earlier friendliness was indeed an act. Now that I'm "no one" again, they were rude to me. Rude to the point that they ignored me when I walked into a room, and they pretended I had said nothing if I dared to speak in their presence. They ignored the cute baby in my arms after making such a lovely fuss over my pregnant belly at camp last summer. One of them had the nerve to yell at my children over some small offense while I watched her kids commit bigger ones. Whatever imperfections I am guilty of, whatever failings on my part prompted me to be singled out for release from my calling; not since I joined the church have I ever been guilty of treating anyone with the kind of cruelty I have experienced from a few individuals in the last few weeks. I thought we outgrew such things after adolescence.

If any of you (and I suspect some of you lurk here) were involved with the way I have been treated and talked about; I know with quiet assurance that the greater sin lies with you no matter what sin you think you have found me guilty of-and I'm sure there are many, I never pretended to be perfect and I never will. I am extremely forgiving of the shortcomings of others, but extremely mistrusting of those who like to point mine out or be overly critical or me OR my children. Unlike people who grew up in the church, I don't just send my kids off to Primary each Sunday without very critical thought about who their teachers are and whether or not they will be treated decently in their classes. I've reviewed each and every situation from the time I put my oldest into nursery until now. There was one close call when they did a stake-wide Cub Scout Day Camp, but otherwise everyone has passed my silent 'inspection' and been allowed to teach my children. The screening process really isn't that rigorous. I don't have to be someone's friend or even agree with them on every subject to let them teach my kids, but if I don't think that person fundamentally respects me and my family or somehow thinks my poor, spiritually undernourished little ones are "lucky" to be with them for an hour a week instead of us; I won't let them anywhere near my children. As I have already stated, this hasn't been much of an issue in the past, and my kids have been taught by people from all walks of life in the church. Needless to say, not all of these people have been my closest friends, but I knew they would do well with my children and I felt safe leaving them alone in their classrooms. Having heard some of the things that I have through the rumor mill lately, and having been treated with such blatant rudeness recently though; I think that will soon change. Especially with Natalie's 12th birthday coming so quickly. So, if I keep my kids out of your classes or the activities that you may be involved with, please know that I will also be calmly and rationally explaining those decisions to the proper Priesthood authorities and I will be using names and examples when I do it.

Fortunately, for the few of you who have been mean, who have made me second guess why I ever thought I could live out the rest of my life as part of your church flock and who make me want to keep my children as far away from you as possible; there are more of you who have been kind and understanding. There are more of you who have been supportive and reminded me of who I am not just in my Heavenly Father's eyes (His opinion of me will always be something I'm a little insecure about), but who I am in their eyes. And I know that because I believe the way that I do, because my children look to me to teach them about God and about the world, and because I wouldn't give you all the satisfaction of knowing you had successfully run me off; that I can fight this battle and win it. That I can endure to the end, and that I didn't make a mistake when I got baptized 17 years ago. On a more personal note, I also take comfort in knowing that if our celestial mansions end up in the same neighborhood, that I can put a bunch of tacky plastic flowers and silly ceramic statues in my yard just to irritate you. ;) And believe me, I will.