Overheard at My House

Me (to my 16 year-old right after voice texting on my new-to-me Apple Watch): You know, I've had some kind of smartphone since 2009, but it wasn't until I got this watch that I felt like I was living in the 'future' that the movies of my teen years promised. I guess we're halfway there.

My 16 year-old: All of my generation's future movies are dystopian...I guess we're halfway there.

Point. Set. And Match to my 16 year-old.

Another Slice of My Life

This has been a really stressful time at work. Over the last two weeks we've had to put out annual campaign letters, write an important grant, and learn a new financial system while also making sure we stick to our budget down to the last penny because everything slows down in the summer. So, I submitted the grant on Tuesday, handed my first financial report over to the accounting firm on Wednesday, and was looking forward to a less stressful day when I got up this morning.

So, of course, the baby woke up with a low-grade fever. Not that I took her temperature to verify it-with 5 kids I'm not sure we still even own a functioning thermometer. But I'm a mom of 5 and I know a fever, right? So I resolved to take her to work with me and texted her home daycare provider to let her know. Then, I dropped the 8th grader off for her early morning biology class (a program called "zero hour" that lets 8th graders take a high school class before the actual start of school) and the two younger girls at elementary school. This left me with the 2 year-old and the 6th grader who usually goes with me to drop his little sister off since he prefers not to  hang around outside the school while his older sister is in class-except on Tuesdays when there is also 6th grade choir practice. But today, of course, is Thursday.

Since we weren't dropping off his sister, we decided to go back home so I could unload the dishwasher and start the washing machine and do some other general cleaning before he had to be at school. I texted my co-workers to warn them of my tardy arrival with a two year-old in tow and then the boy and I did some clean up around the house. About 15 minutes after we arrived, the phone rang. It was the elementary school informing me that my 9 year-old's cap had come off of her baby tooth and was bleeding. So, I rounded everyone up, dropped the boy off at middle school, and picked up the 9 year-old. The school health aide said she had packed Caroline's mouth with gauze and that the cap was in a baggie, Caroline waved the bloody thing in my direction and I nodded at it briefly before I told her to put it away without further examination. I texted husband (who had also been called) to let him now I had her with me. I texted my co-workers to let them know I had no clue what was happening for the rest of the day.

Then, my husband and I took turns playing phone tag with the dentist office and each other. In the meantime, my daycare provider texted me to ask what Alexis' temperature was. I am new to this home daycare and I love it! (She lets the kids wear cloth diapers and takes them to Monday morning story time at the library-among other pluses). I didn't want to admit to her that we didn't have a working thermometer in the house. I also had no clue what was going on with the dentist office yet. So...I took the feverish kid and the bleeding kid to Wal Mart because I am awesome like that.

We bought a new thermometer. We bought new toothbrushes for EVERYONE. We bought a second set of sponge rollers so the girls will no longer fight about who gets to have their hair rolled up on Saturday night before church on Sunday. We bought ingredients for tonight's dinner. And at some point, Dave called to fill me in on the dental drama that had unfolded while we shopped:

First, he was informed that the dentist we used had left their practice for another one and our insurance no longer covered the remaining dentists. So, he called the new office where he was informed that while our dentist had re-located there and that they took our insurance; it would be at least 24 hours before they could see her because they would have to process our "new patient" paperwork. And finally, the former dentist's office agreed to see her in this emergency. But only if we paid out of pocket. Neither one of us liked the thought of her running around with her cap off and a gaping hole in her jaw (it's a pretty serious cap because it was a pretty serious cavity), so we went with that plan. And agreed that we pretty much hated all dentists.

I paid for my groceries and had just enough time to drive them home before I was to meet Dave at the dentist office, leave the girls with him, and go do my job for three hours because he had just finished three hours at his. I stuck the perishables in the fridge, left the rest on the counter, and out of curiosity grabbed the new thermometer to check Alexis' temperature. AND IT WAS 98.6. Because I am not as good and instinctive with knowing when my kid has a fever as I think I am. (She still felt warm to me, though. But I took it three times. Basically, I am an idiot.) Then, en route to the dentist, Caroline popped the gauze out of her mouth and asked me about the tooth fairy visiting tonight. I explained to her that her baby tooth still wasn't ready to come out and that we would be getting her a new cap for it just like the one that fell out. And that's when she said: "But Mom, the rest of my baby tooth fell out WITH my cap. See? It's in this baggie." And, when I got to the dentist's parking lot and took a much closer look at it, indeed it was. And when I checked her gauze-free jaw, I saw that not only was the entire tooth gone, but that the adult molar was growing in already. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE USEFUL INFORMATION AN HOUR AGO.

At about that point, Dave pulled into the dentist parking lot. He took Caroline in briefly to ascertain that their services were no longer required and then moved the girls to his car. Caroline was headed back to school (to her chagrin) and Alexis was going to stay home because even without a fever she was cranky and clingy. A further examination of her jaw revealed that she is cutting her 2 year molars Not unlike the one in the baggie in her big sister's backpack. Did I mention I bought new toothbrushes today?

Needless to say, Dave and I had a good laugh, vowed to always look more closely at the icky baggies the school nurse sends home, and agreed that the biggest reason we believe in God is because we couldn't make this stuff up if we tried.

And then I went to work and spent my three hours preparing as much of next month's financial report as I could and double-checking my next round of grant deadlines. JUST. IN.CASE

The End.

So Far Today I Have:

• Got out of bed at 5:30 a.m. and ushered 5 kids through breakfast and getting dressed and out the door by 7:00 (thank you Natalie's 7:20 Biology class).
• Gone to work where I: Balanced the work checkbook, put the finishing touches on the annual campaign mailing (1800+ letters are ready to go now), made several phone calls begging for money for the museum (a prospect that TERRIFIED me 6 months ago and now barely phases me), made a post office run, did some grant research and soothed the nerves of a very rattled bride-to-be.
• On the way home I stopped bought dinner ingredients and thread and bobbins so that when I got home I could: Put dinner in the oven and sew four more fleece cloth diaper pockets.
• After dinner: We cleaned the living room and I coached the kids through homework and helped Natalie make a pillow for Caroline from her outgrown (but very beloved) "monkey jammers." (jammers=pajamas in Caroline-speak)
• And now: I have about four more diaper pouches to make before collapsing in bed so I can start all over again tomorrow.

Because...I AM Superwoman!

A Salute to Summer 2011

All good things must come to an end, including summer vacation. This was a busy, but very fun summer. I'm writing this post as I wait for the laundry to finish, so I can go to bed for the night. So, in lieu of a real post, I'm going to hit the highlights in bullet-point style:

• Grand Assembly 2011-In 2010, I brought four girls and everyone (including me) worried that Norman Rainbow Assembly #18 was at an end. This year, I brought 10 girls and will likely have even more next year. This time, I had more adults to help, more girls to participate, and well, my daughter had several solos that made me cry. It was a good time!
• Cousins' Trip to Dallas: We celebrated Elisa and Kassidy's birthday's at American Girl Place. It was fun. It was such a quick trip though, that I didn't even visit IKEA. (But it's OK, I would get there before the end of the summer.)
• My turn to be "Martha": Growing up, I attended a Camp Fire Girls' Day Camp every year from the time I was a new camper at 7 years-old until the last year the camp was open when I was 20 years-old. For most of those years, it was run by an awesome lady named Martha. This year, I got to run the Harn Day Camp myself. I felt just like Miss M, without the crazy straw hats. I guess there's always next year...
• CCOC Kids' Camp 2011: THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE-I still get tears in my eyes when I think about how awesome it was to have all three kids performing together. I've said it all summer, but this year was something special above and beyond the great things those kids usually do and I'm glad I didn't miss a minute of it. This was likely the best thing about our summer.
• Fourth of July 2011: We were under a burn ban and had just a handful of harmless sparklers instead of our usual homemade firework fest, but it was still awesome to have everyone here. I LOVE that the party always includes not only my parents, my grandmother, my sisters, and my nieces and nephews; but also my sister's ex-husband, his wife, her kids, and their new baby. It may seem dysfunctional to others; but it wouldn't be the same party without them. And my oldest niece's boyfriend joined us this year too. Good times!
• Conclave 2011: It's not just me who has come back to the lodge, there are a lot of us who have returned with our kids and to see if we can't get our adult leaders to finally ease up a bit, take a break, and let us take some of the burden from them. (So far, it's not going all that well.) It was so much fun to take the girls to Eskimo Joe's, to the dance, and to sit around eating pizza and laughing about the good old days with a lot of the people I experienced them with-even if we are starting to look and sound a lot like the old leaders we used to laugh at and still seem to be taking orders from. Good times!
• Seattle 2011: When the annual girlfriends' getaway was slated for the Oregon Coast, I saw an opportunity to visit my Seattle family too. I took Natalie for a promised visit to my cousin Eric and snuck little Caroline along for the ride too. I spent a few days showing my girls all the things I loved about my summer visits there and a few days with some of the best women I will ever know at a lovely house on the Oregon Coast. The best of both worlds! To top it off, my cousin's wife is expecting a baby and they may have Natalie come and stay with them next summer to help with some babysitting. She will be the same age I was when I spent the summer in Seattle as a nanny to my Cousin Megan-Eric's little sister. I can't think of a more beautiful circle than that. It was a lovely trip.
• Girlie Road Trip to Dallas: This was my most recent adventure, an all-too-brief visit to see Lanie and her new little man in Dallas with Chris and Vickie. I'm excited that Lanie's PhD got her such a good job in Dallas, even though I miss her. Somehow, it was comforting to see that it is only 2.5 hours from her front porch to mine. I hope we are able to go again soon. And yes, this time I got my IKEA fix.

I'm sure there is more here that I am forgetting, but my clothes are clean and ready for work tomorrow. And I need to get some sleep so I will be too. Good night! And I hope everyone had a great summer too!

Vacationing

So, it turns out that the latter prediction proved true. We are having too much fun for me to sit down and write about it. Highlights include: Pike's Market (twice so far!), the EMP, all of the fresh oysters, crab, salmon, and shrimp I can eat (sorry Chris-I know none of that is your favorite), taking the girls to "a fancy lunch" at Columbia Tower, sleeping "in" until 8:00 am which is really 10 am Oklahoma time, and lots of time with some of my favorite people.

And, for those of you who have followed this blog with good intent over the years, you will understand how touching it was to me yesterday to have my Aunt Deb call me into her room because she had "a little something" for the girls and I. The "little something"? A small pearl necklace for each of us. I didn't want to scare her by bursting into happy tears. But I really had to fight not to do it.

In many ways, it feels like this blog has come full circle.

We're Outta Here!

I'm sitting at the airport with Natalie and Caroline waiting to board our flight. I am SO READY for this vacation. And so happy to share it with my girls. Let the photo spam and trip reports abound. Seattle here we come!

Week in Review

Reading


Oliver Twist-


I won tickets to a local production of Oliver! earlier this summer. When I discovered I could download the Dickens classic for free, I decided it was worth a re-reading. Especially when you consider I hadn't read it since elementary school. If I ever finish it, it will be our new 'family reading' book. The problem is finding time to read AND getting all of my kids in the same house at the same time. But we will get there. And again, Charles Dickens doesn't disappoint.

Watching


Since 19 Kids and Counting  finished its season, I haven't watched much. I have seen a few episodes of Kate Plus 8 and while she may not be the nicest person on the planet, I know what it's like to be judged harshly by people who never bothered to get to know me and I can't imagine how awful it would be to have my marriage fall apart on national TV. I think the kids did benefit from their time away from the camera, but they seem OK to me now that they are back on the air. I will always be a bit protective of those kiddos because they were born on the same day as Elisa. And while I certainly lack Kate's Type A organization and time management skills, I respect them. And I really don't like the fact that we still live in a world where it's somehow not OK for a woman to know exactly how she wants something to be and sticks to her guns until it's accomplished.

At the Movies


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2-


I saw this last week when it premiered, but Natalie was at Girls' Camp when that happened so I took her to see it this week. (I LOVE that she wanted to see it with me more than anyone else, because who knows how long that will last.) I cried just as much the second time and loved it just as much too. Perhaps during some downtime on my upcoming vacation I will post in more detail now that Blogger has added a 'click to read more' tool so that I don't spoil it for anyone.

Away We Go


An independent film starring Maya Rudolph that barely touched the theatres before it was gone. And I'm not sure why because I absolutely loved it. :) It's about a couple that is looking for the perfect place to raise their first child and I believe Ms. Rudolph was actually pregnant during filming. It also features John Krasiniski, Catherine O'Hara, Jeff Daniels, and some hilarious cameos by Allison Janney (who I adore) and Maggie Gyllenhaal. You should check it out! (And by "you", I mean "Anne.")

On Broadway


Ragtime-


When Natalie was little, the Rosie O'Donnell show featured a song from this "brand new on Broadway" show. Audra McDonald performed it. I knew someday I HAD to see it. I had no idea how sad and powerful it would be, but I enjoyed it. And the costumes were so good they are worth mentioning too-and I usually don't notice anything but the songs when I see a show.

"How to Eat Like a Child..."-


This wasn't really on stage, but it was Tristan's last show for the summer. For the last three weeks of rehearsals he has downplayed how funny he would be and how appropriate his solo was (instead of tears of pride, I had tears from laughing). I feel like an idiot for not taping it. Maybe I can get him to sing an encore. As a reward, he got to go to a movie last night after the show and to Great Wolf Lodge with my mom, my sisters, and their kids this weekend. I hope he's having a great time!

Out and About


My work week was light, so most of my evenings were spent cleaning the house instead of blogging/shopping/or anything otherwise remotely entertaining. Which is why I enjoyed seeing so many of my 4th ward friends even if it was because some of them are moving out of state and had a going away party. :( The Norman Oklahoma stake without Bob and Tracy and their awesome kids? I can't imagine it. :(

And my final thought for the week is this: The best thing about having to speak in church is when you have finished your talk and returned to your seat. Can I get an amen?

I'm off for Seattle and the Oregon Coast with Natalie and Caroline which either means that blogging will be much more frequent because I'm on vacation OR non-existent because I'm having a great time. Or both! Have a great week!

Truthful Tuesday

I've written about the woes with my son here many times. So I want to celebrate this particular triumph. After years of struggling to find his niche, I spent most of the first two shows last weekend literally in proud tears to see that he has finally found something he loves with teachers he respects and friends who appreciate him for exactly who he is. As lovely as my daughters were last weekend and as well as they did on stage, this year's show was all about this boy and I am so very proud of him.

Through the years, I've pretty much divided the world into two types of people: Those who "get" my son and those who don't. I treasure the former and, frankly, don't think much of the latter. I am sure that we are not done with challenges-the thought of him starting middle school in the fall terrifies me. But for now, I'm going to bask in the glow of this most recent performance and dwell on the words the director left him with on the last day: "Tristan, I can't wait to see what you're going to do with the rest of your life!"

Neither can I.

(To give credit, one of the other awesome CCOC mom's took this picture. Not me. She's one of the ones who gets my kid-as this picture demonstrates)

CCOC's The Pirates of Penzance: A Redux

For four years, Natalie has enjoyed participated in the Cimarron Circuit Opera Company's Kids' Camp so much that she chose it over attending Girls' Camp for the first time last year. Since last year, I have debated whether or not I did the right thing in letting her choose because my name was certainly muddied in some church circles and more than one 'unfriending' on Facebook occurred as a result of this choice. (Which all seems pretty stupid now, but it hurt a year ago...) After this weekend, I am sure I did the right thing, but I'm also glad Girls' Camp doesn't conflict with CCOC Kids' Camp this year. ;)

Because Natalie has always enjoyed this camp and because I really wanted to believe Tristan could handle himself at an all-day camp AND because Caroline met the age limit this year; I sent all three kids to CCOC this summer. They had an absolute blast and I enjoyed this year's show more than all the other years put together-even the year Natalie had a major female lead. This year, Tristan and Natalie had featured roles and Caroline was so doggone cute that I about melted every time she took the stage. I could go on and on, but I think pictures are a better idea, so here they are:

In short, they sang, they danced, Tristan has some awesome comic timing, and over all they were absolutely brilliant. I am sure they will do other shows together because they really are some talented kiddos even if I am their mother. Maybe one day Elisa will join them. Maybe even Alexis someday. But I'm not sure anything will top the thrill I had of seeing them work together for the first time this summer.

And if you missed it. Shame. On. You.

Wordless Wednesday: Moments That Make Moms Cry

Conversations with My Daughter

I wrote this and it seemed kind of silly. I saved it and debated deleting it until I read this post from Jaci (one of my favorite bloggers.) So, I'm posting it anyway:

Now that school is out, my kids are spending a lot of time hanging out at my mom's while I am at work. We usually take I-35 home, but on really bad traffic days it is not unheard of for me to exit to Broadway follow it over the bridge when it becomes Shields, and just keep going until it turns back into I-35 in Moore. With speed limits that never go over 45 mph and stoplights all along the way, it is definitely not faster. But it moves consistently and my cranky 2 year-old in the back seat seems to appreciate that more than riding my brake pedal on the highway for 45 minutes.

Anyway, with Natalie in the car, I started pointing out landmarks from various parts of my youth. "There's Grandma and Grandpa Leonard's laundry, I used to get to play video games for free there." "That's where your Uncle John and a lot of my other friends went to school," "old Myrtle Lodge was a few blocks that way," "there used to be a movie theatre there where we used to go on the weekends" and so on and so forth. It's not that I really think she's interested in the adventures of my younger days, I'm just passing time and I enjoy the reminiscing even if it bores her. At one point, she looked around and said "Mom, either this neighborhood was way different 20 years ago, or you guys were kind of ghetto." And since the neighborhood hasn't really changed, I guess we were. I don't think we knew that back then. All I remember is that we were happy. And we've all grown up to be productive citizens too.

And on that note, can I really call it a misspent youth if I loved every minute of it?

Um...Is This Thing On?

It's rare that more than 15 minutes of spare time coincide with a decent Internet connection at my house, so I thought I would seize the opportunity and update this blog:

It's been a crazy, busy time between all the end-of-school-year activity for both my own kids and classes taking field trips at work. Add in the annual trip to Grand Assembly (which I guess should be glad moved from Stillwater to Norman about 10 years ago) and a major grant due on June the 1st and you have all my excuses for not updating recently. But that hasn't meant I've lacked for inspiration. I would have liked to have written about my boy finishing elementary school and how scared I am for him to start middle school in the Fall. I would have liked to have written about seeing my gorgeous daughter get up on that stage at the Catlett Center and sing in front of 200 people like it was no big deal, and sound beautiful while she did it. I would have liked to have written about how being Mother Advisor and being a part of Norman Assembly after 19 years is worth every minute I spend doing it. I would have liked to have written about my "baby" Elisa turning seven. And most recently, I would have liked to have expressed my utter shock at being made Executive Director at the same place I once worked for free as a student intern.

And with the summer months upon us, the school year over, and the big grant deadlines in my rearview mirror; I still just might...

It May Be Time to Blog When...

you aren't 100% sure what your login info is anymore. Fortunately, I figured it out. It was a busy couple of weeks around here. Not only are we in the middle of our busiest season at work, the kids just completed this year's Sooner Showcase with all of the accompanying rehearsals/drama leading up to it last weekend. I wish I could write a long series of posts detailing all the highs and lows, but a list will have to do with fingers crossed that I will have time to do better over the weekend. But obviously, no promises...

• The kids did two shows. During the first one, I was front and center and VERY proud. I can't believe how much Natalie has changed since we discovered Sooner Theatre classes back in the 4th grade. I got very emotional seeing how quickly all my children were growing. The summer I brought Elisa home from the hospital was the longest of my life with a newborn, a 2 year-old, a 4 year-old, and a 6 year-old. I thought nothing would EVER get easier and that time went SO. VERY. SLOWLY. Now I can't make it stop, and I wish I could.
• The second show I watched from the balcony while simultaneously texting the event staff through a crisis at work (or so they thought) and chaperoning Tristan and Caroline's class between their performance and the Finale. I was so busy with what I was supposed to be doing up there, that on the rare moments I did get to look down onto the stage; everything seemed so far. In some ways, I could see much more of the show, but it was so distant. And I wondered if that is what it's like for people who watch things happening from heaven. I thought about Dave's mother and Aunt Marguerite and how much I wish they could have really known my children and that my children knew them. And then I would get another pointless text from the event staff...
• Why yes, I was quite the ray of sunshine last weekend. Thanks for noticing.
• In addition to the show, Natalie had the chance to sing for several of my old friends and one of my honorary "dads" at a fundraiser last night. Their proud faces may not completely make up for the ones who are missing out on her life, but they definitely help.
• The lady who booted Tristan out of her pre-school called to reserve a field trip at work today. She's come with her classes before when I worked as a part-time assistant and we've always been polite with one another. But honestly? I kind of enjoyed giving her my name and telling her I was the "Interim Director" now.
• Truth be told, her students always behave perfectly, she is very professional, and I really am looking forward to their visit later this summer. It will make up for all the other crazy groups already scheduled.
• On a related note, since when did I become too mature to enjoy a good gloat?
• Not today because I really was grinning in a big way when I returned her call and gave her my job title.
• Also, I had her leave a message while I was eating lunch instead of taking her call immediately.
• So maybe I'm not completely grown up yet.
• Thank goodness.

I Was Wrong

Spring Break is flying by just as fast as it does every year. But, the 13 year-old is having a blast on her little adventure and she will be home the day after tomorrow. And my house is cleaner than it's been in awhile. All in all, I'd call that a win.

School bag in hand...

My oldest just left to spend Spring Break with one of her best friends. Even though I have written here at length about summers in Canadian, TX with Lanie, Tucson with Anne, or even working as a seasonal nanny for my Uncle Bob in Seattle; it was hard to let her go. I know she will have a great time and I absolutely trust the family she went with, but I am really going to miss her. :(

On the plus side, waiting for her to get back on Friday may make this the longest Spring Break ever. And since they usually go by way too fast, maybe I won't feel short-changed by the end of the week?

(Psst...Lanie-She isn't going to Canadian, but she IS going to a small town in Texas. Again, like mother/like daughter. I forgot to buy her some blue face mask or send any musical DVD's, but I hope she likes lime ices, and I'm sad she won't get any Ma Beasley's doughnuts or Mrs. Walsey's butter pecan cakes...good times, my friend. Good times!)

The Problem with Awesome Weekends...

is that you never have sufficient time to blog about them. Some of this weekend's highlights included:

• My oldest daughter's first "it's not a date, Mom" date. With the son of one of my old friends. He, his wife, and I about died from the cuteness. Not in attendance was my husband because Elisa and Caroline were sickly, this was kind of disappointing because a youth Valentine's fundraiser dance was the closest thing we were going to have to a date this month.
• To remedy that and our lack of any kind of special anniversary celebration in the last few years, we got tickets with some of our friends to a show in Tulsa the first weekend in April. Can anyone in Tulsa recommend a nice hotel? (The Inn at Price Towers is already booked and that was my only good idea.)
• Lunch with the girls on Saturday plus bonus baby shower shopping-we still can't behave ourselves in public, and I like it that way. We may or may not have thought about picking out personal hygiene products as door prizes for the shower. We may or may not have made plans that involved the rationing of food and drink at the shower. Maybe. But we did buy 3 lbs. of Lil Smokies and a bottle of Head Country BBQ sauce without any inappropriate jokes whatsoever. So maybe we're growing up just a little. Probably not.
• A Fast and Testimony meeting at church with lots of lovely testimonies including my own this morning and a nice Sunday nap. Of course, I woke up feeling like I might be getting whatever the girls' have had. But I'm not looking a gift weekend in the mouth.

Here's to next week!

To My Precious Caroline,

Nine years ago, you came into this world. Although we decided not to find out what you were at the earlier ultrasound, I wasn't at all surprised when Dr. P told me "it's a girl." As if you would be anything else but a perfect and sweet little lady. Three kids aged four and under was hard for mom, and harder still when your "little cold" at 5 weeks-old turned into RSV/pneumonia. You were admitted to the hospital in respiratory distress and turned blue in my arms as we were getting settled into your hospital room. Your Daddy saved you before the nurses could even get there. He's good that way.

Those first few days in the hospital were exhausting and terrifying. No one could tell me for sure when or if you were going to get better. I missed your older brother and sister, but couldn't leave you. Your Dad had to work and see to your brother and sister, so he was rarely there to give me any breaks from the loud roar of the oxygen compressor and the tick tick of the slow minutes that passed while I waited for someone, anyone to tell me how this was going to end. After a few days in the hospital; you seemed much better to the relief of everyone. But we were there over a week before you were released. By today's hospital standards of 'patch 'em up and send 'em home' it felt like much longer than than.

I remember that last morning, with the sun streaming through the window when your nurse finally unhooked all your wires that had made nursing you so awkward, and handed you to me. I smiled for what felt like the first time in ages and to my delight you smiled right back at me. Going home felt almost like the day we left the hospital the first time, except that this time I had a much stronger sense of exactly how much of a precious miracle you were.

Since then, you have grown up into a beautiful, feisty, bright, and clever girl who I am usually very proud of. Only a touch of seasonal asthma remains to testify of that scary week we almost lost you. I remember fearing that perhaps the lack of oxygen before we knew exactly how sick you were might have some kind of lasting effect, but you are just as smart and devious as your siblings. You especially proved this with your very successful first business venture which, sadly, your Dad, your teacher, and I had to shut down since it bordered on the side of gambling. (She played the "number game" with her classmates. She thought of a number, everyone gave her a quarter, and the person who guessed the number won most of the quarters. She always kept $1 in quarters because, in her words, "I ran the game, Mom. And that was my payment.") But all shady business ventures aside, I am proud to be your mother and feel more than a little blessed that you are still with us.

So far, your birthdays have been full of ice storms, traffic jams, and today; a house full of smoke from a faulty heating/air unit. But we have pulled through all of it rejoicing just like we did on both days we brought you home from the hospital. Happy Birthday Caroline! We love you.

Failure to Thrive Round 3

Of my five children, three of them have been diagnosed with "failure to thrive" for slow weight gain. This happened with my oldest at 9 mos. and I had to bring her in for monthly weight checks until she was 18 months old. It happened with my son at 6 mos., but because he willingly took bottles of formula in addition to nursing (something NONE of my other babies would do, even when I wanted them to) the Dr. was satisfied by his 9 month check-up that the situation needed no further monitoring. Alexis made it through that first year only to get the diagnosis at her 15 month check-up last November. I haven't been too worried about it because my other two children have turned out fine, but she is such a picky eater that I am dreading the 18 month check-up that looms in about a month because our Dr. still manages to unnerve me at times, and I'm a fairly competent mother of 5.

And as if I weren't bothered enough already, reading one of the (too) many blogs that I follow has just upset me more. This mother gave birth to sextuplets on the same day Alexis was born. They were so premature that only two of them made it to their first birthday. (So reading all her posts about that during my postpartum days probably wasn't my best idea. And I do remember holding my healthy baby and feeling that much worse for her.) Anyway, today she posted about all her babies' accomplishments in 2010 and ended her update with their weights. I was horrified to realize that Alexis weighs only slightly more than the one who has weight gain issues and she weighs LESS than the other one. The preemie. Who weighed less than 2 lbs. at birth and who lived against some pretty discouraging odds. What am I doing wrong that would make my 7 lb. full-term healthy baby weigh no more than a preemie who may share her birthday but should technically be about four months younger? Developmentally Alexis is right on track. Verbally, she's advanced. But I guarantee you she won't have gained more than half a pound at that next check up IF she's gained even that since she's had a cold this past month.

How do you make a baby eat when she doesn't want to? (And not by giving her junk food like her father does because that makes me crazy too.) How do I make this Dr. believe I don't starve my kids? Why do I let this worry me? Oh yeah, because social workers get curious at the words "failure to thrive" and women with big families are often judged to be less capable and less attentive to their children's needs (which is ironic when you think about it, because mothering 5 kids requires a lot more skill, love, patience, and cleverness than I had when I was raising just 2 or even 3).

Don't be surprised if I delete this tomorrow. She's just been very difficult about her eating the past several days, and it's been an emotionally trying Christmas break for me and my family and I needed to get this out of my system.

11 in 2011

Again, this is a writing exercise borrowed from elsewhere, but definitely worth posting here too. If I manage to do even 2-3 of these in 2011, I will be happy. But I listed all 11 just the same.

1. Find Time for Regular Exercise-While I would love to lose weight (and according to the BMI charts, I should lose about 25 lbs.), what bothers me most is how hopelessly out of shape I am. I strained my back just by getting into the car a few weeks ago-not good. So finding time for exercise it is!
2. Organize my Home/Time-I like to think of myself as a creative free-spirit, but the facts are that I work full-time and I have 5 kids. Some daily attention needs to be paid to meals, laundry, and general pick-up or I lose control of this house and lose entire weekends trying to put it back together.
3. Writing-Whether it is posting here or to my personal blog or to remembering my oft-neglected screenplay in my Documents folder, I thrive when I am writing and I need to make it a priority.
4. LASIK-This is probably my most concrete item on the list. I want to have this done before I am 40 and my 39th birthday approaches in May. I like to blame money for not doing things that will take a time commitment and some effort on my part. And while this will be costly, it's really more of a fear of the unknown that holds me back. But I keep telling myself that this is my year to get it done and I am determined to make it happen.
5. Work on my People Skills-Just because I don't like dealing with rude/whiny adults doesn't mean that I won't have to throughout the course of my life. And I need to learn to do that better than I do now. (Which is by saying "I'm sorry" a lot, but not really knowing how to compromise without either doing nothing that really improves their situation or completely caving and doing exactly what they want which rarely improves mine.)
6. More Professional Networking-I'm about as skilled at this as I am dealing with annoying people, but I do see the value in it. I joined LinkedIn, but I know that's just the jumping off point. (I have a Master's in Museum Studies and currently work as the Education Director at a metro area museum.)
7.  Stay Connected with Family-This year saw the high of a wedding and the low of an unexpected funeral, but both reminded me that we all love and need each other; even if we are a bit of a dysfunctional mess.
8. Do more Structured Activities with the Kids-We've got the 'sit around in front of the tv' covered, but most of my kids are old enough to enjoy museums, ride rides at amusement parks, and be an actual help in setting up a camping area. We did a lot of these things when they were too small to appreciate them, we need to do more of it now that they can actively participate.
9. See More Movies before they Go to Video-I love the whole experience of going to the movies and I rarely do it anymore. Yes, it saves money; but I miss doing it.
10. Read Good Books-I still have my list of "the classics" that they handed out in high school. I've read several, but I need to read more of them.
11. Stop Fearing my Kitchen-I decided some years ago after a few kitchen failures that I was a "bad cook." I think now that I just didn't have enough practice. There are a few websites (Pioneer Woman Cooks being one of them) that show you the step by step process of making some pretty tasty meals. I've made a few in this last week. In the next year, I want to make more.

Wordless Wednesday: Christmas 2010

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