Of my five children, three of them have been diagnosed with "failure to thrive" for slow weight gain. This happened with my oldest at 9 mos. and I had to bring her in for monthly weight checks until she was 18 months old. It happened with my son at 6 mos., but because he willingly took bottles of formula in addition to nursing (something NONE of my other babies would do, even when I wanted them to) the Dr. was satisfied by his 9 month check-up that the situation needed no further monitoring. Alexis made it through that first year only to get the diagnosis at her 15 month check-up last November. I haven't been too worried about it because my other two children have turned out fine, but she is such a picky eater that I am dreading the 18 month check-up that looms in about a month because our Dr. still manages to unnerve me at times, and I'm a fairly competent mother of 5.
And as if I weren't bothered enough already, reading one of the (too) many blogs that I follow has just upset me more. This mother gave birth to sextuplets on the same day Alexis was born. They were so premature that only two of them made it to their first birthday. (So reading all her posts about that during my postpartum days probably wasn't my best idea. And I do remember holding my healthy baby and feeling that much worse for her.) Anyway, today she posted about all her babies' accomplishments in 2010 and ended her update with their weights. I was horrified to realize that Alexis weighs only slightly more than the one who has weight gain issues and she weighs LESS than the other one. The preemie. Who weighed less than 2 lbs. at birth and who lived against some pretty discouraging odds. What am I doing wrong that would make my 7 lb. full-term healthy baby weigh no more than a preemie who may share her birthday but should technically be about four months younger? Developmentally Alexis is right on track. Verbally, she's advanced. But I guarantee you she won't have gained more than half a pound at that next check up IF she's gained even that since she's had a cold this past month.
How do you make a baby eat when she doesn't want to? (And not by giving her junk food like her father does because that makes me crazy too.) How do I make this Dr. believe I don't starve my kids? Why do I let this worry me? Oh yeah, because social workers get curious at the words "failure to thrive" and women with big families are often judged to be less capable and less attentive to their children's needs (which is ironic when you think about it, because mothering 5 kids requires a lot more skill, love, patience, and cleverness than I had when I was raising just 2 or even 3).
Don't be surprised if I delete this tomorrow. She's just been very difficult about her eating the past several days, and it's been an emotionally trying Christmas break for me and my family and I needed to get this out of my system.
7 comments:
I feel for you! Eating habits & kids is so freakin' hard! Does she like muffins? You can put just about anything in a muffin, cut the sugar in half, use whole wheat flour & it is at least a *little* healthy. Zucchini, carrots, apples, blueberries, bran! You can find a recipe for just about any fruit/veggie you can get your hands on...except tomatoes. that'd be gross. ;) Good luck! I hope the doc doesn't give you too much grief.
Oh, bummer. It sucks to feel like you are being watched and judged as a mother. Hopefully she will get back on track now that the holidays are over. I don't think you really can make a baby eat, just be sure to offer healthy, nourishing foods frequently and hope for the best. My 2 older kids when babies/toddlers were always in something like the 90th percentile heighth-wise and in the 25th percentile or so weight-wise, which could be worrisome to some doctors, but it runs in my family (not that you could tell by looking at me these days, as I have gained about 20 pounds over the past 2-3 years...
Good luck, and don't be down on yourself!
Sara-I had not thought of muffins and I have a wheat grinder, so whole wheat flour is no problem. And, as much as I love tomatoes, I have to agree that it would be gross. :)
Kate-I am usually pretty unbothered by criticism of my parenting skills at this point, but this one bugs me because I really respect my Dr. I just disagree with her chart obsession because my other two kids eventually leveled out and I know Alexis will too. She's been all the kids' Dr. throughout their lives, so you would think she would know this too. But instead, I will get quizzed about her eating habits for about half an hour.
Find a new doc?
You're probably already doing this, but when my friend's two (out of three) children had this problem, they were instructed to put the kids on a high-fat diet. Not junk food, but lots of whole milk, olive oil, etc... It's been awhile, so I don't remember much of the particulars, except it wasn't junky and the doctor said "Add butter to everything!"
Or you could switch docs... he sounds like a doozy.
I am not a believer in Failure to Thrive. It's overly and mis-diagnosed and leads to parental deprecation. I think your kids look healthy. In Oklahoma, I fought with the doctors and WIC people about it. They insisted I put Megan on Pediasure and I resisted for a long time because I didn't want her addicted to it to the exclusion of real food. When she wasn't eating anything at all, I relented only to be stuck in the very problem I had tried to avoid: she wouldn't eat anything but Pediasure. In TX, Failure to Thrive is not good enough of a reason for WIC to dole out Pediasure, so Megan was weaned off it and started to eat real food. Milk is the same way, a substitute for food. Now I have no idea if you've gone the Pediasure route, but I am an advocate AGAINST it. And PLEASE believe in yourself as a mother, and don't believe everything your doctor tells you, even if you like your doctor. I have never met a doctor or nurse who were NOT obsessed with the growth chart. Children are not one-size-fits-all. My kids only started appearing on the chart when they were 5. You're a good mom and your kids are a healthy size.
Alexis is fine! Most drs pick on children who've been nursed. she wiggles, she moves, is very active. She burns it off. That is NORMAL. most of the weight charts are based on formula fed babies which is different than nursed babies. There is that expectation that they will be a certain weight at a certain age and if they don't conform, then someone MUST be starving them. I still remember all the arguing with WIC years ago because I nursed Connor & while tall/long like dad, was not overly fat, etc. Trust your instincts, feed her well as you have been. Adding some healthful fats like organic butter, olive/coconut oils in your cooking will help. But in the end it's her metabolism and her activity which are NORMAL. So if the dr gives you more crap, change doctors. I mean there are 4 older reasons to show that this is how your kids are. Common sense. BTW I am thinking of Dr Connery for the whole family. Any thoughts?
I've always liked Dr. Connery. For what that's worth. :)
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