Epilogue?

As I wrote the last two entries, I wondered it I haven't possibly reached a stopping place for this blog. I started it as an overwhelmed Museum Studies student with a lot of unresolved personal issues. Since then, I've graduated, added another child, more or less figured out who I am as a mother and made peace with the fact that I'm on my own in that journey. My mother is who she is, and that isn't going to change. I do feel that she is owed a certain debt of gratitude and respect simply for the fact that she brought me into this world and gave me a place to live for the first 18 years of my life-even though that place was, well, what it was. She may not have made much of a home, but she did teach me to love good books, dry wit, and a good theatrical performance. And the appreciation of these things has definitely improved my quality of life as an adult. She also basically wrote a "what NOT to do" textbook on parenthood, and my children benefit daily from my attempts to avoid her mistakes. As I said, she is who she is and I'm finally OK with that. Writing about my issues with her, as well as many other crises I once felt were unresolved, has brought me a certain peace with most of what still plagued me six years ago. Of course there are things that still hurt, still things that aren't completely "fixed," but everything is at a manageable level for me now.

I still have trials, I still have hurts, and I still have questions; but overall I am more at peace with the way things are than I ever have been previously. I have children I am proud of and a home that feels like one. I have that longed-for Master's Degree and the chance to finally prove myself as a professional. I have amazing friends, and if I ever feel that God shorted me a little bit in the "mom" department; all I need is to think of the back-up family He provided me with to compensate for that. We've had some wonderful times together through the years, and I'm glad so much of that is documented here. (I think you all know who you are.) My marriage may not be perfect, but we've made it almost 14 years now; and I know a lot of people who can't stay the same. We are a work in progress, and I am OK with that.

I can't commit to eliminating this blog completely, I enjoy writing and have that compulsive "need" to write for too often to walk away completely. But let's face it, even at its most read (probably 2006ish), this blog was never going to be huge. And even with the comments back on; it's been a long time since anyone left anything worthwhile here. I have had a Wordpress account for years, and often debate making the switch because I can password protect certain posts there. But I doubt my abilities when it comes to actually exporting from one server to another. And wouldn't it be depressing to lose the 25 regular readers I have left? Because we are starting a new school year next Thursday, and I'm starting the new job the following Monday; I think I will just put things on hiatus-if anyone out there is still reading anyway. When something too good not to write about happens, I'll share it. If I make the move to Wordpress, I'll share that too. Until then, goodnight and thanks for reading.