I've mentioned before that one of the things that I find hard about being a member of my church is that I don't fit in socially and am often left out of any social activities that aren't officially sponsored by the church. I've had a few good friends, but one of our usual bonds was that we we are a little different from everyone else. (I think of all the wonderful movies I saw with a friend who has since moved and how nice it was to choose them based on their plot or starring actors and NOT what the rating was. Or the nice shopping outings where we looked at nice, stylish, modest clothing hoping for good prices, but not trying to 'out-thrift' each other.) Anyway, as I mentioned in my parentheses, these friends either live out of the country, out of state or at least out-of-town and now I'm back to being the odd gal out. Sometimes it bothers me, but then I hear exchanges like this:
Mom: Go ask Sister L* what people usually wear at her house for Sunday dinner!
Kid: She says HER family will be in their church attire, but we can wear whatever feels right to us on a Sunday.
And then I thank God that I don't fit in enough for such delightful passive/aggressive dinner invitations. I dress nicely for church because I feel it does show respect. I dressed up daily as a full-time missionary because the mission rules required it and, as name-tag wearing representatives, it made sense to look nice. But, in the grand scheme of things, I really don't think God is nearly as worried about what's going on with our outsides as He is what we are thinking on our insides. Of course, by mocking the little exchange above, I guess I'm a little guilty of faulty insides too. But hearing that exchange made me that much more grateful to come home that afternoon where the only extended invitation was to don my Levi's, put something in the oven or the crock-pot, take my Sunday nap, and enjoy the company of my equally laid back husband and children. No jackets, ties, skirts, or pantyhose required.
*Not even her real last name initial. I am protecting all identities but mine here.
**And believe me, I know not all LDS church members sit around judging each other for who does and doesn't spend the rest of their Sabbath in their Sunday best, but it's one of those things I find annoying.
***Ironically, I fixed dinner and napped while still in my Sunday clothes that day, probably because I felt no pressure to remain in them.
10 comments:
I wear pants to church on Sunday...under my skirt of course. I know, I am such a rebel.
Oh and what do Canadians and other countries that dont follow the same movie rating system as us do. So I don't follow that one either.
I served my mission in Italy. Some of the older members there (true pioneers in their own right-at least in my opinion) used to laugh and say "There's the true gospel of Jesus Christ, and then there's American silliness. It's up to you to figure out the difference, Sorella! Only they said all of it in Italian, of course. Anyway, I hope I take the same pragmatic approach as my Italian brothers and sisters do when it comes to living the gospel. Even if they do wear split skirts to church (something I envied as I used a bicycle for my main mode of transportation) and two piece bathing suits on the beach. Especially since that's more than most Italians wear for swimming. ;)
Until Mom moved into my Ward last year and was called as choir director (and about three other music callings at the same time), I refused to participate in the Ward choir despite repeated invitations (bordering on pleas) because I couldn't bear to put a dress or skirt back on two hours after getting home from church and changing into yoga pants. My excuse for changing into yoga pants 23 seconds after walking in the front door has always been the number of pets who want to shed on my lap when I'm at home, but even if I had no pets I would still believe in being comfortable on the sabbath. We're supposed to rest from our labors, right? Well, wearing a bra and clothes with zippers is labor for me.
Wearing pantyhose is labor for me. Actually, putting them ON is the worst part. My objection isn't really to an assumed dress code here though, it's to the usual 'holier than thou' attitude as if people who change clothes after church are somehow less righteous. (Wow! It looks even more ridiculous when I type it out like that.) I spent the better part of 18 months in a dress, that isn't what brought me closer to God as a missionary. I could be wrong, but I think that had a lot more to do with the additional time I was able to spend in prayer and gospel study. Especially since most of my skirts and dresses got pretty shabby towards the end of the mission. 18 months of rain, dirt, and bicycle spokes will do that.
Of course, you know we're totally getting invited to dinner now...
God doesn't care what we where to church as long as we go and make it about Him and ONLY HIM.. I do know you mean.... love to you - hope it gets better.
Love,
Kelly
I know what you mean about church friends. I was so used to picking movies based on ratings, too, and never saying what I *really* thought because...uh...you know. It was so stifling and it kept any real friendships from growing!
Then, when the whole infidelity drama went down in my marriage this summer, those women opened up to me in such an amazing way. The leader of my Bible study came over with the movie Role Models and we laughed at THE raunchiest humor. The ladies from my mom's group would crack open wine coolers and boxed wine with me as I sat and cried and vented and just dumped on them. Even the elders who were doing our marriage counseling would get angry and cuss. It was so REAL, and I'm so grateful that they were willing to crawl into the dirt with me and help pull me up out of it.
Pantyhose and skirts? Totally not required. Real love and kindness? Yes, please! :)
Kelly-Thanks! Love to you too!
Jaci-I am SO glad those church friends came through for you. Also, I love the movie Role Models much more than I should admit. ;) I'll never forget how excited I was when a church friend called and asked me to go see Matt Damon, uh I mean, The Bourne Identity with her. We had many good movie outings. Then the Army moved her (and her family) to Germany. Stupid Army! Now I'm chicken to put myself out there again. Especially to Mrs. "Wear What Your Family Thinks is Best on a Sunday".
I am often dismayed by the things you write about the sisters in your ward and history. I know they exist, but I rarely meet them. Does that mean I am probably one of them? I usually stay in my church clothes, but that is because I am too lazy to change and do that much more laundry. I have friends over for dinner on Sunday all the time, and they often bring their kids in jammies. I know a couple of women like that, and I can't stand the way they make me feel. They make me feel guilty, and shameful. But only because I feel like they are so fake. But are they? What if it is genuine? Then I am being hateful and petty. I am trying to learn not to be hateful and petty. It is hard. I have found that those types of women generally dislike me. I am "too real" for their taste. I am pretty much what you see is what you get. I don't stand on ceremony, but I do stand on principle. I am happy to say that most women in my life are not holier than thou. Or me.
Your Majesty-I go to a small branch, there is likely more of a range in personality than the 2 or 3 people I complain about the most, but they are the ones who get under my skin most easily. I actually cracked up when I heard that one.
These days, if someone told me I didn't fit into my church I'd feel obligated to thank them. =)
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