Limited Internet access has increased my reading time dramatically. I've been reading a lot of my writing and screenwriting books. This has, in turn, compelled me to dive into my oft-revisited and never completed screenplay. I consider this to be a good thing. I also think I have reached the place in my life where I am truly past the angst that the screenplay depicts, which means I can just enjoy the journey of writing it now.
I went to two reunions this weekend: My official 20 year high school reunion and an unofficial gathering of the Masonic-affiliated youth groups from the 80's. Both were fun, although so many of us have come back to our Masonic youth group roots as leaders now that I see most of those people on a fairly regular basis anyway. Still, as my screenplay is about my experiences growing up as a Rainbow Girl, the reunion did provide some pretty good writing material.
Of course, I would have been at that second reunion anyway, because it was held at one of the biggest dances of the year and my Rainbow girls just HAD to be there. As I watched them primp in our hotel room and later dance and flirt (the older ones, that art is still lost on Natalie-thank goodness!); I realized yet again that those ships have sailed for me and that it's all about them now. I'm very happy about that. I know I'm not old enough yet to channel Maurice Chevalier's "Not Young Anymore" song from Gigi, but that is how I feel about the situation. One of the recurring discussions of the evening was "I don't know when we got old enough to be the adults in charge, but it's good to be back and even better that my kid can have the same experiences that I did growing up." It brings a certain peace and closure to the wild rides many of us experienced together as adolescents and makes all of us a lot more OK with the fact that, though many of us tried to leave, it's all right that we wound up right back in the same place where we started.
I am grateful for the life I have at the moment. If not all of the circumstances, then at least the place I am within myself to cope with the highs and lows and the way my life has turned out so far. Which is not to say that I don't expect things to change in my next 40 years or so, it just means that I feel much more prepared to weather those years in contrast to how I have coped previously. I am grateful to be the mother of so many healthy, bright, wonderful kids. I'm not a perfect mother to them, but I am a good one. I love our little house in the boonies even though it's in desperate need of updates in so many places. For the first time, I am truly pleased with 'the little screenplay that could' as it grows scene by scene, little by little most evenings when the kids are sleeping. I don't know if it will ever see the light of day, but I WILL finish it. And that feels good too. I am grateful to be back at Norman Assembly #18, even if the learning curve is still ongoing. I may not be the perfect Mother Advisor yet, but I learn from my mistakes as a Rainbow "Mother" just as I do through trial and error as an actual parent. *To date, I have a running list of what to do differently for Exemplifications, Grand Assembly, and now Conclave on my iPhone. Who knows how long it will be before I spend more time deleting items than adding it, but hopefully I will break even when I've been at it for a year next January*. I used to think my experiences growing up in Rainbow helped prepare me for service in the church's YW program, but as one of my closest friends observed; I think my experiences with YW actually served to prepare me for my role as a Mother Advisor instead. And frankly, the Lodge is a far more familiar "home" to me than any stake center will ever be and I'm happy to be back there.
I may never publish a word, but between this blog and my screenplay; my compulsive need to write and share is relatively satiated. I am grateful for good friends who 'get' this about me, and slightly amused at the short-sightedness of those who don't. While I always try to see the truth in any criticism that comes my way, and while my writer's soul certainly bears the sting from it for longer than most people; I have ultimately decided that it's hard to find anything constructive coming from anyone who has had more than 10 years to get to know me and has never bothered. (And there's the whole matter of the spelling/grammar flaws, but that's just the over-educated part of me rearing it's ugly head.) Then again, at some point some kind of peace will have to be made because I firmly believe it's our ability to love one another without judgement and without reservation, especially those who are so very different from us, that will truly get us to where we want to be in the next life. And I clearly still need to work on that.
And so, as the slogan goes, "Life is Good." (But I refuse to buy yet another t-shirt, so I probably won't be sporting that logo anytime soon.)
(FYI: Comments will return with my Internet. Operating Comment Moderation from an iPhone is difficult, to say the least, but I'm tired of all the silence myself. The usual Comment rules will apply with the change that my husband has requested that anything labelled "Anonymous" be forwarded first to HIS Inbox for preview from now on, then either promptly deleted, graded for punctuation and spelling errors, or sent back to me for publishing. I'm sorry for the inconvenience that will cause for my friend "Mr. Mapquest," who likes his anonymity. Though frankly, Dave will probably appreciate the laugh, and it's not likely that you will get deleted.)
