How Did I Get Here?

As I alluded in one post and announced in a later one, I was named Interim Executive Director at work about a month ago following my boss' unexpected departure at the end of January. And what a month it has been since then! I always knew my bosses were busy, but I really had no idea. I have a co-worker who has to remind me to eat at least twice a week and while it looks like all that I do is sit at my desk all day, the reality is that I get stuck there returning emails and phone calls and racing grant deadlines to the point that I am desperate to get out and help weed a garden, set up or clean up a field trip area, and I'm very sad when I think of all the school groups I won't be teaching this spring because an Executive Director, even an Interim, has other responsibilities most of the time.

But here's the surprising thing...I'm good at this. No, really. I am running a museum and while it is a lot of work, I really do know what I'm doing and my instincts have been good even when I'm not 100% sure. When I started this blog, it was to cope with getting through grad school where my best hope (or so I thought) was for a paid teaching slot or collections position. When I took my first job in 2007, it was for pennies over minimum wage and even then it was only part-time. I never aspired to more, because at first I thought it was too much to ask for or expect. But then I got older, grew even more, and heard that great quote about how most people don't succeed because they ask themselves "who am I to be great?" instead "who am I NOT to be?"

Once upon a time, I was an insecure little girl who was largely ignored by her mother because my birth apparently screwed up her plans for herself. This made it easy for me to fall prey to a string of young men with varying intentions who could lead me around by the nose because I let them. Before I knew it, all my decisions stemmed from either what I felt was family or religious obligations and I wondered if I ever have any say in my own life. It turns out, all I had to do was speak up and believe that someone was going to listen. Not that this happened overnight, it was a process that involved not only fulfilling the requirements for a Master's Degree in Museum Studies; but also a series of events in my life that required me to grow to a point that I was emotionally competent to handle this job as well. There were milestones all along the way, that only in retrospect do I realize were vital in the process and most of them have very little to do with my college education at all. Being PTA President and running a museum? Not dissimilar at all. Being incredibly unpopular with certain people in my personal life really helped me grow skin thick enough not to be hurt by every negative comment that comes my way from a dissatisfied customer. (Although, I can only think of one or two since the first of the year.) I see now that it's all part of the path that brought me not only what I wanted, but  even beyond that to what I didn't used to think I was good enough to have.

This is not to say that I don't struggle with the balance between work and family, I'm not sure we ever find that. I also acknowledge that when the fiscal year ends, the museum may choose someone else to put into the permanent Director position-or that I will even want it to take it if it's offered to me. (It is A LOT of work and my kids won't be young forever.) What I do know and will always know from this point forward is that I'm qualified and able to do the job. That I'm a person worthy of respect who doesn't have to defend her choices or her words to those who don't approve. We can just agree to disagree and let it go. And that was all I ever really wanted to know and to be sure of in the first place.

And because I do love me some quotes, here are two that have really spoken to me in the last month about the who I am and where my life is right now:

The first one I've used before during my last year as PTA President, but it's still inspiring to me and certainly applies:

"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.  Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well. " ~ Albus Dumbledore


And now, my new favorite:

“You know, it’s funny, I’ve won alot of trophies before...but I’ve always felt like the girl who never gets the brass ring. And maybe I never will. But today...the way you guys believed in me and took a chance with me. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel special and to feel chosen and I just, um, I wanted to thank you guys so much for giving me that. That’s all.” ~Rachel Berry


And I couldn't have said it better than she did.